Here's the thing - I think I've imprinted on my best friend. To be serious with you, I don't know if there's some other way I could explain it besides that. I mean, doesn't it happen to rats too? I think it's possible to us as well if that's the case.
I don't know but I've seen similar symptoms, and it is killing me because I don't know how to make it stop! I've seriously tried. Very hard. There's nothing I could do anymore to ease how I feel.
It's not that I feel anything romantic towards her I guess, but it's the love and care and worry I have for her. Like - I can't explain it. All I know is that whenever I see or hear her do stupid stuff that can end up hurting her, I am the one who ends up getting tortured inside. I know it is normal to feel bad for your best friend when that's the case, but in my case, it's like really painful... like I can't get over it. Sometimes, there can be days that all I think about is that - will she be fine or is she making the right decision? Heck, it's really stupid - I know - but I can't do anything.
And then, soon enough, I'd have to admit this all to her - that is if she even has time. She has always been out lately. I think she's trying to make everyone but herself happy, and even if she tries to make herself think so, I don't think she is. She might be blinded. Like I am. Acceptance, perhaps? I don't know - but whatever it is, she better stop because I don't think she's only killing herself on the process but also her future...
I am just nervous as to how she will react the moment I get to tell her. She will probably be freaked out or something - and then not talk to me. She will probably ignore me the rest of her high school life and not answer my usual calls every night. I might as well say I have temporarily lost my best friend. Well, it feels like that right now anyway. I knew this day was going to come, and I know this will also end sooner or later... The question is: WHEN?
Whenever it is, I chose this to happen so murder me if you must. I will have to tell this all - and more - soon. I am hoping that will be this week because I also have to make a deal with her if she is all fine with this. It is either she still wants me there or not... and trust me, that deal will probably be one of the most idiotic and stupidest decision in my life. I am only doing it for the fact that git will always lookout for her ding.
That´s how it works.
Fingers crossed.
It´s almost 7 am, and I´m already sick.
I don´t want to get into more trouble...
So CAO!
