I'm BACK

Well, I'm back!

Yes, I am very well aware about the fact that I have disappeared into thin air approximately around 2 years ago, but I guess - it's when my life started changing... ever so slightly. 

Remember my Brit twin? Well, he sorta changed my life... he got my life back in track and I couldn't be thankful for that. It's quite a long story though - but I guess I have time - now that I am trying to kill time at work...

Let me start with work - I ended up applying for this Bachelor Of Information Technology Co-Op Scholarship degree in the University Of Technology Sydney, and ended up getting it. Fortunately enough, I didn't do as well in my High School Certificate but it was mainly my fault anyway. I was too caught up with League Of Legends. Long story cut short, I'm working because I got the scholarship degree (which pays around $530 a fortnight) for me to study. I'm working because it's a part of my course to take part on an industry placement. At the moment, I'm currently in this company called Vivant which focuses on mobile development. Luckily, I picked up how to develop iOS apps, and I've relatively been good at it, considering that I don't have a technical background. I've made a lot of apps already, but... I guess I could skip that part as of now. Oh oh, I'm also part of the picture in the link I've posted on top. I'm the shortest one. I didn't grow an inch in the past two years. LOL!

Moving on... with my personal life. So... Sheepy aka my Brit twin... two weeks after we've talked every day, we've realised that... we were infatuated with each other. We exchanged our first "I love you"s and it was very sweet. I never felt so... alive after that again. After my best friend had almost permanently left my life (I'll explain this later). We started officially dating around October (13th I think) and it was awesome. Eventually in my 18th, he came over to see me and completed one of the most special days in my life. I was very happy. We even got engaged. (I know right, young love.) Matter-of-factly, I think I was really in love with him. Unfortunately, my impatience played a great role of separating us both. We broke up just before his 21st birthday in November. It was hell, not to mention it was HSC. It was complicated... but I had to move on.... Weirdly enough, we ended up going back together when he surprised me with a visit just this year's New Year. It was crazy. He's the sweetest thing ever... but then, it didn't last long. I messed it up. I wanted more. It's hard to explain it. Now he's moved on. He has someone else. Thankfully - he deserves someone who could love him as much as he had loved me. The thing is, I did love him. I still do - but it's... just complicated. I've realised some things lately, and it's hard for me to love him... Ask me if you really want to know. I do wish I haven't messed things up because it was a life set up for me, and I would have not let it go, knowing that it was something worth fighting for. We went through a lot together, and it's just a pity that we didn't pull through. Blame me. It was my fault. A part of me wants to completely blame me, but then there's the other empathetic part of me which understood why I had to do it... At least we still talk. He'll always be a part of me. Like we mentioned days ago, Crazy For You by Madonna will be our sentimental song. I agreed; I never recorded it randomly unless if it's for him. 

Moving on... with my Ding aka Virus aka my best friend... we cut our communication at one point. Firstly because I was hurt that she insulted Sheepy at one point due to her idiotic and moronic and psychotic (who carved her name on his back literally). Secondly, I just really thought she threw everything away... so I stopped. I decided I had to move on, although I knew I wouldn't have. She was my best friend. She still is. I promised her that I was always going to be her best friend... Also, just when I thought we were going to rekindle our friendship on my birthday this year, she didn't come. I was disappointed but for some reason, I knew it was going to happen. Unfortunately... but wait! A couple of days ago, we started talking again. For some reason, she was very emotional with me and I just have to admit that I really did miss her too... She apparently had all wallet pictures that I have given her ages ago, our friendship ring and still the idea that I had all the stuff... But then, the thing is... I threw mine away. It's a long story, but it was a part of the process of trying to move on. It was stupid, I admit - but it's just how it was. I don't know... Also, Tetka aka her dear mother also was tearful when she saw me in webcam. I didn't even know what to feel that time. It's a bit weird because - I thought she was happy that I wasn't in their lives. I've complicated it before. It just didn't make sense...

... but anyway, she's actually planning to come here. Unfortunately, she's still with her freaky boyfriend. I'm happy for her... as long as she's happy. I'm quite excited to see her. She mentioned something like "I was scared that if I'll come, I wouldn't want to go back". We're about to find out what that exactly means when she comes over. I hope my world doesn't go back to revolving around her, because even if she's permanently back in my life, I don't want to just focus on her. I wanna be happy for once. I wanna enjoy. 

But yes, I wanna be back here for the reason that I had lost my ability to speak well when I had undergone the League Of Legends phase. I'm getting there. Trust me. When I started university, I could barely finish a whole sentence. 

... also, the reason why I threw away everything was because... I'm queer. I like women too... more than men. I still don't mind either way... but that explains everything.

... now everything makes sense.