Revelations Can Be Painful

Well, I'm not going to recap on my day or whatever - maybe some recaps but not detailed - but I'm just going to get straight to the point. These last three days I've got to spent with my dear best bud made me realise how much she actually means all the things she says. The thing is, I've always criticised her about saying the same stuff to everyone and not meaning them fully, so I usually don't take what she says to me seriously because I'm just used to that logic, even though I know she couldn't lie to me. It just doesn't register properly... and after these few days I've spent with her, I'm starting have more clarity.

21st: Virus Sleeps Over
Alright. Well we had this talk about why I keep thinking she's going to forget about me or replace me in the park where we hung out until dark. It was like... I don't know... I couldn't explain to her properly, but all I remember was she gave me this lecture of the reasons why. I wanted to believe her. I did, but "BJ Land" (the term V refers to my over-thinking brain) had to contradict... poorly though. She was right in a way. I'm just finding more reasons and all...

This was the most significant talk of the day I guess; the day was perfectly fine at the end with some accompaniment with an old accessory. ROFL! You don't want to know... *wink*

22nd: Sleep Over at the Viruses'
We had this massive issue this day with her, but I'm just going to skip it. It was about me giving her the chance to spend time with her guests and whatever. I don't really care if that happened. It's an insignificant argument with her that wouldn't really change the way I think so screw that part anyway.

Moving on, at night - after having this threeway fight - when V decided to sleep on the floor and I was waiting for her to sleep, she told me never to leave her. I ended up promising her that I'm always going to be there for her... and I know I won't leave her forever anyway; I'll always be there. She ended up kind of teary-eyed and so did I. I didn't want to leave her at all, but I didn't want to leave Lilo (aka Mini-Virus) as well, so I went up after I said our proper goodnight.

23rd: Our Last Day Before Doomsday
Before I left, we had this argument - yes, another one - about why I was being such a git. I wanted to say goodbye permanently - even though I knew I was going to bail out at the end because I knew I couldn't do it. This lead to this really emotional talk with V. The thing is, lately, we've been saying stuff that we usually don't say. Those really emotional and heartfelt stuff. That's when I felt different towards the way she talks... like finally, I'm beginning to think she means everything she says. She does by the way. She can't lie, remember?

She said really touchy words, and I just felt all guilty for not even believing her before. I mean I do, but there's a part of me that's denying it you know. I knew by then that she did has changed. I could tell if she means something - sort of. Hard to explain.

Moving on, BJ Land had some issues again. I had this picture that maybe she'll be better off without me in the future. It was mainly because of my jealousy - as we concluded. Long story. It kind of made me feel bad at the end because I know I'm like killing her with the topic again. She had to explain me again, but with more detail the reasons. They were very reasonable I guess, and that made me feel worse. She was crying; I did too. It was hard, and I just don't want to dig deep.

The point is, I should have realised the whole fact that she does care ages ago. But who could blame me? My brain just goes psycho. I'll try I guess. I know she's ready to deal with my crap so I have to make it easier for her.

She's right. I know we're going to last forever, but I would just have to make some effort not to make it hard. I love my best friend lots; she knows that well... and a promise is a promise. I'm never going to leave her behind. Never.