Alright, I'm not going to say much, but I absolutely will reveal my intentions as of tomorrow - if not - the upcoming days or weeks. I've had this really interesting talk with my dear best bud Virus about a variety of stuff today (well, technically yesterday because it's already morning), and we've come to a point where we've talked about how I deal with stuff: getting too overprotective, worrying too much - yada yada yada... something that relates to those. I couldn't deny the fact that she was absolutely right about most of what she said. I'm just basically taking life too seriously... but hey, I don't want to take it for granted either. The thing is, I should finally accept the fact that I just have to forget stuff, move on and make a new start - that's what I'm planning to do. Tomorrow, if I get to step foot on V's place without any interruptions or basically some other time if there are interruptions...
I made a list towards my road to optimism, something that can cause me to hover my old grin more often like the old times. Pessimism is not me, but it has what I have become these past couple of years when I've went through this dark stage of feeling some sort of isolation and alienation. I have a feeling that I may go through this unfortunate stage again, and I don't want that. Some few letters here and there from old friends had inspired me to do so. I was a little bubbly happy-go-lucky git before, not an old worrying hag...
Anyway, before I do forget about what I was meant to do, here they are:
WARNING: Although I did think about the steps I'm going to take, I'm not going to lie, there might be some new stuff added.
FORGETTING and LETTING GO OF THE [DARK] PAST:
For this step, I may need someone I really trust and is very close to me. That's where V comes in. I'm not sure if she's even going to do this for me, but I hope she'll do this for herself. By the way, I'm not saying I don't trust my other friends, but I did tell V stuff I never dared to tell anyone before. In other words, I just trust her in another level. Plus, she had shown that sense of loyalty and trust with me too, and that just proved that she is the right person for this step.
To let go and forget the ghastly memories of the past, I've decided to just dump everything on her. No, I won't shout at her or anything, but I'm just going to tell her everything - if not most - that had caused me some major heartache or trauma throughout my sixteen years of life. She doesn't need to listen, I guess, but I just want some trustful witness.
After accomplishing this step, I will deliberately try my best to discount these memories in my stuffed head. In this way, I will feel more free because I've finally let out everything that had stabbed me in the back throughout the years. I won't be surprised if I end up crying or sobbing, although I prefer if I just stay calm.
PUT THAT SMILE BACK:
Well, this is the next step to heading towards the old me. I clearly remember one of the teachers in my old school said something about that I'm always happy and smiling. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't smile at old school, except for once or twice when I got pissed at some point with my friends - something which I want to deliberately forget. I shall not only do this at school but also at home. If there are problems, just try to settle it calmly.
APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY:
Listen, I've felt really bad when I realised I just focus on people who I consider to be my best buds with everything. I may indeed would do everything for them, but I feel like I'm neglecting my duties as a friend to other people. I may not be superwoman who can help everyone at everything, but I should show some appreciation to people who had been there for me at all times. I feel like I've been a total snob to them or something. It's painful to see.
LIVE LIFE:
V was right. I should enjoy life as I can because when I grow older, it'll all turn serious and crap. You know what? I want to do it the right way though. Who said that I can't enjoy while doing my work at school? I want to be successful when I grow up and travel around the world. I don't want to regret. You could say I'm a geek who's always out and about for fun. I know there are limits, but who the heck cares? I'm not that stupid to overpass them. I have a life you know...
BUT JUST LEAVE THAT BIT OF ME:
There's just one thing I should leave though - being protective. Not too overprotective though. I won't stop or keep bugging people to do something if they don't want to, although I'm still going to be looking out for them, even if they like it or not. We have to bear in mind that there are always times when things may not go right. There are also times when some seriousness shall be put through. The thing is, I just don't want the day when I see someone familiar in the local newspaper in some sort of trouble. I don't want to go there, but I've delivered my point...
That's it for now I guess. It's almost 2:30 am, and I have a feeling that my dear mother will kill me and forbid me to go tomorrow to V's place if she pushes it through if i veer off too much from the limit. Wish me luck. I shall be back to the old me by this week.
PS: I'm totally a sucker for this new teleserye in TFC - Dahil May Isang Ikaw. It's just bloody sweet, and I would do anything just to have someone like Miguel in my life. It's kind of stupid that Angel and Miguel didn't recognise how each other looked when they grew up though. There should be some familiarity at least. Oh well, it's still really good. I can't wait for it next week.
Kambal Sa Uma is also getting interesting. Venus/Ella finally forgave Vira after she saved her from getting killed. Celeste, after finding out what happened, would surely want to kill Vira. Dino had finally regretted the fact that he didn't believe Vira the first time; now, they're back together which was very sweet. Gab, on the other hand, is pissing me off because it was kind of his fault - even though Venus/Ella was the one who break his heart after cancelling their wedding - because he didn't believe Venus/Ella that she didn't kill his father. Gosh. He should have known better.
Anyway, it's like 2:48 am now, and I'm still not close to sleeping. GIT!
... and oh, it was so sweet that my classmates in school missed me. That's one of the reason why I thought about the appreciation thing. I didn't appreciate them enough, I guess.
I'll miss work experience too. I've met some awesome people there, and I suprisingly had lots of fun...
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Update @ 12:24 am (of the next day): I just had this 76-minute conversation with V today (she just had $30 Vodafone Credit with 150 minutes of free calls), and she totally agreed about the favour that I was going to ask her. In fact, she suggested it too. I'm absolutely happy she's on my side. It was hilarious how I get to talk to her dear mother too because I didn't notice that it was her at first. LOL!
Anyway, I'm actually doing pretty well with everything - the whole optimistic me. I haven't thought negatively the whole day. Even though V told me about how she might be moving next year, I held myself pretty properly, and she was even surprised I handled it well. I know I may be strong for now, but I'm sure I'm going to fail when I have to say goodbye. I know we're still in the same country - a couple of hours away - but it's just different...
You know, I'm not going to lie, I would love to wish that something wrong may happen to the whole moving plan, but of course, I don't want them to feel sad or anything. I'd rather see them happy, so I shall be happy instead. I don't want to be selfish anymore. If they're happy with that, I should be too. It's hard to accept that, but there's not much to do. At the end, it's their decision. I know I would be deeply crushed inside, but I will try myself to live. I shall. I don't know what to do anymore. Whatever. Didn't I say to be positive? What happens happens. "Everything happens for a reason." ... and that sucks. I just don't want to think about this anymore...
GAH! I don't want to talk much. I have school tomorrow, and it's already 12:35 am. I don't want to die, sleeping in classes again... *sigh*
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Dogged. Abandoned. Alienated.
Murder me. I was planning to write ages ago, and I just didn't find the motivation or time - as always. Well, a lot of stuff has happened while I was gone. I won't name them all because they're pretty confidential. I know I love to pour out my thoughts in this blog, but I am now very careful with whatever I write in this blog. Who knows? The people unfortunately involved in my issues will think I'm mental. It's not like I'm saying I'm not because I think I am...
Anyway, I can't remember much from where I've left off. Luckily, I have this note on my To-do lists on the Organiser category on my crappy phone. It states "Blog. Alcohol. Load crisis. Moving. Missing." Of course, to make my job easier, I'm just going to refer to these since I was meant to anyway...
BLOG:
Alright, I think this is obvious so I'm not even going to bother expanding on this. Duh! This was basically a reminder for me to start writing the blog. Nothing else. Before I move on, I think I just disappointed Virus for writing in this blog. I think she was proud of me when she realised that I wasn't writing much anymore... but hey, I can't help it. There's too much that is in my head, and there are stuff I just want to dump in my blog rather than in my head.
ALCOHOL:
Well, this was not really important, but it was something I would just like to share with the world - I guess. Well, I drank a single bottle of alcohol two days ago - Smirnoff Double Ice or something like that - and the next thing I knew, I was starting to feel itchy. Bloody hell. I knew by then that my allergy came back to attack me. The last time I had it was when I had five consecutive beers when I went clubbing in the Phils last summer. The allergy lasted for about two weeks at least, and it had to ruin my fun when we visited Singapore. Seriously. GIT! I'm still badly itching you know.
LOAD CRISIS:
This is quite hilarious. The thing is, whenever V or me receive some credit, the free calls could barely reach a week. One time, I think it finished by a day or two. There's nothing much to talk about in this topic... Oh yeah, that reminded me of this Flexi caps for Vodafone that I might buy sometime. It's only for $49 or something like that and it has 350 Vodafone to Vodafone free calls and some Flexi credit. Bloody hell. I think it said that it's worth $700 or something. I don't know. My dear mother reckons I could finish before the week finishes though. I kind of agree with her on that... LOL!
MOVING:
Moving... GIT! I don't really want to talk about anything like this. It's just people are moving houses away from me again. Bloody hell. Even we are moving. The thing is, V has a very big possibility of moving two hours away from us. Bloody hell. She plans to go on the same school, but seriously, who would be fudged to travel that far? I don't know. She has been having problems just last week, and I wasn't much help. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe, moving is a good thing for her, so I won't stop her. Bloody hell. I swear, I promise (remember I don't break promises) I will be the saddest person ever if that's the case. I would not know what to do anymore. It's like a repeat of the whole "goodbye, see you, I'll always remember you" incidents that Iencounter most of the times whenever a very close friend leaves. Heck. I may be leaving my house by the end of the year, but I'm not moving that far at all...
WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP LOSING MY BEST BUDS? Seriously, I would trade any material possessions - anything - just to keep a best bud. Call me desperate. I am anyway. Who wouldn't be when you seem to lose everything? GIT! I don't know anymore. I feel like crying now...
MISSING:
I'm not really sure what this whole "missing" thing is about. I think it's because of the work experience thing. I think I was referring to the fact that I will miss my friends, especially V, since I see and talk to her 24/7. I don't know. I think I'm just used to it. The thing is, it's different for her I think...
Anyway, I feel like I may need to elaborate more to expand on this issue. You know, there was this whole issue about a break between us for a while. Don't get me wrong - it's only like a break like get away from each other for a while to not get sick of each other. The thing is, she finally admitted she is getting sick of me. I wasn't surprised, since I think a person on the right mind would totally agree... but I was just wondering why I don't feel the same thing. Sometimes, I just wish I could actually feel the same thing, so I actually don't feel any pain and just totally understand the whole thing - but I can't. GIT! I don't know. It just hurts a lot, and I don't think she understands even now, even after we talked. There's just stuff I can't explain or say properly. The thing is, I'm very cautious to not say anything misleading because both of us made a vow sometime last week. If we break it, our friendship is over...
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that she dogged me. Abandoned was a better suited term... Alienated. Well, she left me I guess to die in the library while she hung out with other friends. You know, the thing is, I never had a friend done that to me before - at least I can't remember, and it just left me with my mouth wide open. I don't know. I felt this piercing in my heart, and I just stormed off into the fields and wept and wrote some stuff that I didn't remember. Even though I eventually forgave her the next day after she told me the reason why she did that, I could still feel the pain until now. Fresh. Painful. Crap. I just wished that she told me earlier to lessen the pain. At least, I knew why she would rather get away from me...
That's when we decided with the break. I actually wanted to work with her at Big W then before she proclaimed the whole "I'm getting sick of you. We need to have some time away from each other..." They're not the exact words, but they are the words that were tattoed in my head. Well, I decided to not go MSN at all but failed in doing so. I couldn't help but get tempted. I ended up wasting my dear parent's credit, texting her nonsensical stuff and all those crap. Bloody hell...
Today, I kind of killed it though. She eventually started talking to me in MSN and I was happy of course. Without my knowledge, V, Mini-Virus and Slexy had actually planned for us to go swimming on Saturday. Even though I was excited, I knew I had to say no. GIT! The break was meant to go for a week, and Saturday is so not the end of the week. Listen man, I'm just taking precautions. I don't want to get abandoned again. Simple as that. I feel like the cycle goes like: "I miss you", "YAY! I'm with you", "GIT! Could I hang out over there for now? You could go to the library and do your bloody work", "See you in two weeks then". Bloody hell. I just don't want this to happen again. To be honest, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right anymore...
Screw this. I'm just going to do my work experience in Coles tomorrow and focus on that. It's already 2:25 am, and I'm sure I'll be dead tomorrow... I swear, I feel like I'm going to have a nosebleed... LOL!
Before I forget, to set the record, I think today will be the first day that I won't get to talk to V. My problem. My fault. My cause. *sigh*
PS: V, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being stupid, selfish and foolish. I'm the worst buddy you could ever have, and I apologise deeply for that. I know you're sick of this line, but you have to admit that I'm right. I hope you know that most of my "stupidity" that pisses you off usually are stuff that I initially thought will make you have a better life. Sorry man, I'm only human, a very stupid, flawed one.
Anyway, I can't remember much from where I've left off. Luckily, I have this note on my To-do lists on the Organiser category on my crappy phone. It states "Blog. Alcohol. Load crisis. Moving. Missing." Of course, to make my job easier, I'm just going to refer to these since I was meant to anyway...
------------
BLOG:
Alright, I think this is obvious so I'm not even going to bother expanding on this. Duh! This was basically a reminder for me to start writing the blog. Nothing else. Before I move on, I think I just disappointed Virus for writing in this blog. I think she was proud of me when she realised that I wasn't writing much anymore... but hey, I can't help it. There's too much that is in my head, and there are stuff I just want to dump in my blog rather than in my head.
ALCOHOL:
Well, this was not really important, but it was something I would just like to share with the world - I guess. Well, I drank a single bottle of alcohol two days ago - Smirnoff Double Ice or something like that - and the next thing I knew, I was starting to feel itchy. Bloody hell. I knew by then that my allergy came back to attack me. The last time I had it was when I had five consecutive beers when I went clubbing in the Phils last summer. The allergy lasted for about two weeks at least, and it had to ruin my fun when we visited Singapore. Seriously. GIT! I'm still badly itching you know.
LOAD CRISIS:
This is quite hilarious. The thing is, whenever V or me receive some credit, the free calls could barely reach a week. One time, I think it finished by a day or two. There's nothing much to talk about in this topic... Oh yeah, that reminded me of this Flexi caps for Vodafone that I might buy sometime. It's only for $49 or something like that and it has 350 Vodafone to Vodafone free calls and some Flexi credit. Bloody hell. I think it said that it's worth $700 or something. I don't know. My dear mother reckons I could finish before the week finishes though. I kind of agree with her on that... LOL!
MOVING:
Moving... GIT! I don't really want to talk about anything like this. It's just people are moving houses away from me again. Bloody hell. Even we are moving. The thing is, V has a very big possibility of moving two hours away from us. Bloody hell. She plans to go on the same school, but seriously, who would be fudged to travel that far? I don't know. She has been having problems just last week, and I wasn't much help. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe, moving is a good thing for her, so I won't stop her. Bloody hell. I swear, I promise (remember I don't break promises) I will be the saddest person ever if that's the case. I would not know what to do anymore. It's like a repeat of the whole "goodbye, see you, I'll always remember you" incidents that Iencounter most of the times whenever a very close friend leaves. Heck. I may be leaving my house by the end of the year, but I'm not moving that far at all...
WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP LOSING MY BEST BUDS? Seriously, I would trade any material possessions - anything - just to keep a best bud. Call me desperate. I am anyway. Who wouldn't be when you seem to lose everything? GIT! I don't know anymore. I feel like crying now...
MISSING:
I'm not really sure what this whole "missing" thing is about. I think it's because of the work experience thing. I think I was referring to the fact that I will miss my friends, especially V, since I see and talk to her 24/7. I don't know. I think I'm just used to it. The thing is, it's different for her I think...
------------
Anyway, I feel like I may need to elaborate more to expand on this issue. You know, there was this whole issue about a break between us for a while. Don't get me wrong - it's only like a break like get away from each other for a while to not get sick of each other. The thing is, she finally admitted she is getting sick of me. I wasn't surprised, since I think a person on the right mind would totally agree... but I was just wondering why I don't feel the same thing. Sometimes, I just wish I could actually feel the same thing, so I actually don't feel any pain and just totally understand the whole thing - but I can't. GIT! I don't know. It just hurts a lot, and I don't think she understands even now, even after we talked. There's just stuff I can't explain or say properly. The thing is, I'm very cautious to not say anything misleading because both of us made a vow sometime last week. If we break it, our friendship is over...
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that she dogged me. Abandoned was a better suited term... Alienated. Well, she left me I guess to die in the library while she hung out with other friends. You know, the thing is, I never had a friend done that to me before - at least I can't remember, and it just left me with my mouth wide open. I don't know. I felt this piercing in my heart, and I just stormed off into the fields and wept and wrote some stuff that I didn't remember. Even though I eventually forgave her the next day after she told me the reason why she did that, I could still feel the pain until now. Fresh. Painful. Crap. I just wished that she told me earlier to lessen the pain. At least, I knew why she would rather get away from me...
That's when we decided with the break. I actually wanted to work with her at Big W then before she proclaimed the whole "I'm getting sick of you. We need to have some time away from each other..." They're not the exact words, but they are the words that were tattoed in my head. Well, I decided to not go MSN at all but failed in doing so. I couldn't help but get tempted. I ended up wasting my dear parent's credit, texting her nonsensical stuff and all those crap. Bloody hell...
Today, I kind of killed it though. She eventually started talking to me in MSN and I was happy of course. Without my knowledge, V, Mini-Virus and Slexy had actually planned for us to go swimming on Saturday. Even though I was excited, I knew I had to say no. GIT! The break was meant to go for a week, and Saturday is so not the end of the week. Listen man, I'm just taking precautions. I don't want to get abandoned again. Simple as that. I feel like the cycle goes like: "I miss you", "YAY! I'm with you", "GIT! Could I hang out over there for now? You could go to the library and do your bloody work", "See you in two weeks then". Bloody hell. I just don't want this to happen again. To be honest, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right anymore...
Screw this. I'm just going to do my work experience in Coles tomorrow and focus on that. It's already 2:25 am, and I'm sure I'll be dead tomorrow... I swear, I feel like I'm going to have a nosebleed... LOL!
Before I forget, to set the record, I think today will be the first day that I won't get to talk to V. My problem. My fault. My cause. *sigh*
PS: V, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being stupid, selfish and foolish. I'm the worst buddy you could ever have, and I apologise deeply for that. I know you're sick of this line, but you have to admit that I'm right. I hope you know that most of my "stupidity" that pisses you off usually are stuff that I initially thought will make you have a better life. Sorry man, I'm only human, a very stupid, flawed one.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Ready to Fail My History Test
Alright, I bet that most of you are probably overdelighted that I haven't posted quite a while, especially those repetitive occurrences. Anyway, not much interesting thing happened for this week. I can't remember much really. All I could actually remember is that I had lost all my Vodafone to Vodafone free calls yesterday, as well as depleting most of my credit too. Now, I only have like $5. It was very worth it because I get to talk for Virus for almost 29 minutes and it was quite cool. It made me quite happy because I was quite darned sick yesterday. I spent the rest of my 50 minute free calls with her last time too, and it was still worth it as always. I feel sorry for her though because she has to deal with me every day and night. I'm such a good friend, eh? *sarcasm*
Well now, I'm actually stuck at my auntie's for now. I was kind of frustrated that I didn't get to go to this movie night at V's place where Slexy and Tazzie were supposed to come. Instead, I had to go to this kid's party in Penrith where it's the birthday of my auntie's best bud's son. I did have fun in a way, especially getting my face painted as a skeleton. Too bad, it didn't end up as it should have. The fact that made me delighted was the fact that when I came to drop by at V's to say hi, everyone seemed all in a good mood. That made me feel the same too even though I didn't get to see the others because they left early because they were busy, I guess. Too bad, I wasn't allowed to stay to watch a movie with V and Mini-Virus...
It's this stupid test in History about the Vietnam War... I haven't studied whenever I have the chance. Oh well, I loved how I spent my time anyway. I have no regrets. Anyway, I would have to start now. I have a feeling that I will get distracted with Guitar Hero though. I'm dead. Bloody hell. GIT!
PS: I need to seriously save up for MV's birthday. It's in 5 days, darn it!
Well now, I'm actually stuck at my auntie's for now. I was kind of frustrated that I didn't get to go to this movie night at V's place where Slexy and Tazzie were supposed to come. Instead, I had to go to this kid's party in Penrith where it's the birthday of my auntie's best bud's son. I did have fun in a way, especially getting my face painted as a skeleton. Too bad, it didn't end up as it should have. The fact that made me delighted was the fact that when I came to drop by at V's to say hi, everyone seemed all in a good mood. That made me feel the same too even though I didn't get to see the others because they left early because they were busy, I guess. Too bad, I wasn't allowed to stay to watch a movie with V and Mini-Virus...
It's this stupid test in History about the Vietnam War... I haven't studied whenever I have the chance. Oh well, I loved how I spent my time anyway. I have no regrets. Anyway, I would have to start now. I have a feeling that I will get distracted with Guitar Hero though. I'm dead. Bloody hell. GIT!
PS: I need to seriously save up for MV's birthday. It's in 5 days, darn it!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Hopes And Devastations
Alright, all I could say is that I'm actually pretty happy right now. Everything is going smoothly... well not everything. There's some few stuff here and there that I consider very bad and depressing...
The thing with Virus and I had been long fixed as soon as the next day I guess. I wouldn't say we were perfectly fine, but we were alright. I feel really bad that she was the one who actually came to the library at lunch to apologise. I did give her a hug though, while she decided not to talk to me yet, but we were cool by then. I missed her a lot by then anyway. It was just hard not talking to her like that. She eventually told me to fix how I deal with stuff and all, and so I did try without her knowledge. I failed again the next day though, but it was only momentarily. The day went fine, and everything went normal again...
Then, Multicultural Day came. I came to school early because I offered to help V with making little flags for her cultural group. I also decided not to wear glasses because I kind of promised Slexy that I won't. The day was awesome - I guess - and it was fun. It was all the same, except that I almost got in trouble again. My 4:48 pm bus came really late, and my dear mother thought I was lying about it. Later, she did get to check eventually. I got really scared because I thought that my curfew from being grounded will be deteriorated to 4:00 pm. I couldn't stand that, of course... Anyway, later that afternoon, I came to the suggestion with V that she could sleepover and play Guitar Hero again the next day because there is this family party...
Bloody hell. I swear I could say it was one of the most stressful days of my life, worse than school. I know that my dear father would not allow me to sleepover there again, because I promised last time. Secondly, I don't know if V was allowed, so I was basically going crazy. Thirdly, I know that the party was a family one, so I didn't really know if my auntie would permit me. When I got to ask her yesterday, I had to waste 15 minutes of her life and then let my sister ask for me and V. LOL! It should have been not that hard. Like seriously. She said yes like heck.
But guess what? I didn't expect for everything to fall into place fast. The next thing I know, my dear father was the one who suggested to sleep at my auntie's place while he said no not long ago. Not long after, V was allowed to sleepover too, although she did scare me to an almost death when she said her dear father didn't allow her... at first...
I also got to my meet my sister's best bud on the process when my auntie decided to invite my sister's friends as well. She's one shy person though, and I should say she is exactly like my sister. It was hilarious in a way when I found out it was actually her first time to go out of her place, and that she was bloody nervous and all. Anyway, I was kind of disappointment when my sister's other friend couldn't come because he's one funny guy. I've only met him through MSN, and I wanted to meet him in person...
Anyway, V came at about 7 pm yesterday, and we immediately went to Guitar Hero mode until the other guests wanted to watch some shows from TFC. V and I ended up playing pool and Guitar Hero after until 12 midnight when we both started to feel the attack of sleepiness. Oh before that, I also found out that V might move away 2 hours away from Fairfield which really killed me inside. I don't think she'll ever know how I felt at that point, but she kept telling me that she was still going to go to the same school and that it was still far away anyway. GIT! Still, it's something I don't look forward to, the only thing that really put me into depression the whole time. Because of this whole depressing issue, I ended up taking pictures of her every single minute which of course pissed her off big time... LOL!
Anyway, I was meant to sleep on the floor because my little cousin's bed is a small single-sized bed, but for some reason, I ended up sleeping with her on the bed, squishing her most of the times. I did have fun on the process though. I just hope she was a little comfortable at least. I know a single-sized bed is meant for one person only, and it was cool that both of us actually fitted just fine there. I feel sorry for her because she replaced the job of the teddy bears that she gave me with me hugging her at least 96% of the time. We woke up somewhere at 5 am, went back to sleep, and then again at 12 noon. From then, we didn't really do much I guess. Until the time she had to go home at 5:30 pm or so, we were stuck on our bed 75% of the time, mainly resting. The only time when we both got up was when we had to eat lunch - nachos - and then we went back again. We also played some pool for an hour before she had to get picked up. I'm sure she wanted to go home because I think I bored her badly, and that I think she regretted the fact that she came because her family went to Bondi Beach. I should say I did have fun though, and that I hope she did too even just for a little...
That's all really. I went to church at 6:30 pm and went back at 7:30 pm. I have no sign of V or Tazzie online, so I'm pretty much bored at the moment. Oh well, I can't wait for school tomorrow... WEE!
PS: GIT! I think another of my dreams came true again. That fact is quite creepy, but I'm not complaining at all. Darn, I have a feeling I might dream of it today again, aggressively worse.
The thing with Virus and I had been long fixed as soon as the next day I guess. I wouldn't say we were perfectly fine, but we were alright. I feel really bad that she was the one who actually came to the library at lunch to apologise. I did give her a hug though, while she decided not to talk to me yet, but we were cool by then. I missed her a lot by then anyway. It was just hard not talking to her like that. She eventually told me to fix how I deal with stuff and all, and so I did try without her knowledge. I failed again the next day though, but it was only momentarily. The day went fine, and everything went normal again...
Then, Multicultural Day came. I came to school early because I offered to help V with making little flags for her cultural group. I also decided not to wear glasses because I kind of promised Slexy that I won't. The day was awesome - I guess - and it was fun. It was all the same, except that I almost got in trouble again. My 4:48 pm bus came really late, and my dear mother thought I was lying about it. Later, she did get to check eventually. I got really scared because I thought that my curfew from being grounded will be deteriorated to 4:00 pm. I couldn't stand that, of course... Anyway, later that afternoon, I came to the suggestion with V that she could sleepover and play Guitar Hero again the next day because there is this family party...
Ding, Git and Tush @ Multicultural Day
Bloody hell. I swear I could say it was one of the most stressful days of my life, worse than school. I know that my dear father would not allow me to sleepover there again, because I promised last time. Secondly, I don't know if V was allowed, so I was basically going crazy. Thirdly, I know that the party was a family one, so I didn't really know if my auntie would permit me. When I got to ask her yesterday, I had to waste 15 minutes of her life and then let my sister ask for me and V. LOL! It should have been not that hard. Like seriously. She said yes like heck.
But guess what? I didn't expect for everything to fall into place fast. The next thing I know, my dear father was the one who suggested to sleep at my auntie's place while he said no not long ago. Not long after, V was allowed to sleepover too, although she did scare me to an almost death when she said her dear father didn't allow her... at first...
I also got to my meet my sister's best bud on the process when my auntie decided to invite my sister's friends as well. She's one shy person though, and I should say she is exactly like my sister. It was hilarious in a way when I found out it was actually her first time to go out of her place, and that she was bloody nervous and all. Anyway, I was kind of disappointment when my sister's other friend couldn't come because he's one funny guy. I've only met him through MSN, and I wanted to meet him in person...
Anyway, V came at about 7 pm yesterday, and we immediately went to Guitar Hero mode until the other guests wanted to watch some shows from TFC. V and I ended up playing pool and Guitar Hero after until 12 midnight when we both started to feel the attack of sleepiness. Oh before that, I also found out that V might move away 2 hours away from Fairfield which really killed me inside. I don't think she'll ever know how I felt at that point, but she kept telling me that she was still going to go to the same school and that it was still far away anyway. GIT! Still, it's something I don't look forward to, the only thing that really put me into depression the whole time. Because of this whole depressing issue, I ended up taking pictures of her every single minute which of course pissed her off big time... LOL!
Anyway, I was meant to sleep on the floor because my little cousin's bed is a small single-sized bed, but for some reason, I ended up sleeping with her on the bed, squishing her most of the times. I did have fun on the process though. I just hope she was a little comfortable at least. I know a single-sized bed is meant for one person only, and it was cool that both of us actually fitted just fine there. I feel sorry for her because she replaced the job of the teddy bears that she gave me with me hugging her at least 96% of the time. We woke up somewhere at 5 am, went back to sleep, and then again at 12 noon. From then, we didn't really do much I guess. Until the time she had to go home at 5:30 pm or so, we were stuck on our bed 75% of the time, mainly resting. The only time when we both got up was when we had to eat lunch - nachos - and then we went back again. We also played some pool for an hour before she had to get picked up. I'm sure she wanted to go home because I think I bored her badly, and that I think she regretted the fact that she came because her family went to Bondi Beach. I should say I did have fun though, and that I hope she did too even just for a little...
That's all really. I went to church at 6:30 pm and went back at 7:30 pm. I have no sign of V or Tazzie online, so I'm pretty much bored at the moment. Oh well, I can't wait for school tomorrow... WEE!
PS: GIT! I think another of my dreams came true again. That fact is quite creepy, but I'm not complaining at all. Darn, I have a feeling I might dream of it today again, aggressively worse.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Why Can't I Just Do the Right Thing Once?
Alright, I know I may have said I'm not going to make those recap for the day again, but this time, I swear it's different. It's like the first few days of the month, and my life could only get worse as days pass by. I could not blame anyone though; it's always my fault as usual. I don't know anymore. I know I always say this, but I can't help it, can I? I'm just some stupid piece of crap who does nothing but think of herself and ruin other people's life on the process...
Anyway, my afternoon didn't really end up as I thought it would be. There was no McDonalds and I went home earlier than usual. I'm not really sure what happened, but it was my fault. All I know is that Virus won't probably talk to me tomorrow or the next day or the upcoming days, and I don't know what else is worse than that. Well, I was not in a good mood that afternoon for some reason, and the next thing I knew, I'm affecting people around me. Well, I recall V saying something that if I'm all pissed and down or something, I'm making them feel bad or sad or something that I didn't hear properly. That was it really. The next thing I knew, I told them to find someone who is not like me or something like that. I walked off. I wanted to walk back and say sorry, but I didn't because I was stupid. Instead, I wanted to go to my cousin's school to see if my auntie was there. I felt really bad by then, so I wanted to talk to her. To make how I felt worse, I clashed with V and her sister, and we totally just ignored each other. Ouch. I had to look at them of course, but through my peripheral vision. I could tell they want nothing to do with me, so I knew my life was over by then...
I had to sit down on this bench and calm myself before I could actually collapse. I felt like I was; my whole body was shaking while I started to feel a little woozy. I successfully calmed myself down and decided to move on even just for that time. Going home wasn't easy. Every second that passed just worsened how I felt... even now. I even lost all my money in Texas HoldEm Poker from Facebook because my mind is so dead. I even forgot that I got 17 out of 20 for Section Two: Writing of my English Half-Yearly exam where the marker thought I actually used awesome words and all, although I sucked at my sentences. Who could blame me since I was pressured to the max? Oh well, I was proud of myself anyway...
Anyway, I'm going to stop now. My head is painfully throbbing, and I just need to think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. Maybe, I'll stay in the Library just like before. Murder me in my dreams, please. Crying this out won't help anymore; I've just tried that. I'll just accept the fact that my life has officially gone away... GIT!
Anyway, my afternoon didn't really end up as I thought it would be. There was no McDonalds and I went home earlier than usual. I'm not really sure what happened, but it was my fault. All I know is that Virus won't probably talk to me tomorrow or the next day or the upcoming days, and I don't know what else is worse than that. Well, I was not in a good mood that afternoon for some reason, and the next thing I knew, I'm affecting people around me. Well, I recall V saying something that if I'm all pissed and down or something, I'm making them feel bad or sad or something that I didn't hear properly. That was it really. The next thing I knew, I told them to find someone who is not like me or something like that. I walked off. I wanted to walk back and say sorry, but I didn't because I was stupid. Instead, I wanted to go to my cousin's school to see if my auntie was there. I felt really bad by then, so I wanted to talk to her. To make how I felt worse, I clashed with V and her sister, and we totally just ignored each other. Ouch. I had to look at them of course, but through my peripheral vision. I could tell they want nothing to do with me, so I knew my life was over by then...
I had to sit down on this bench and calm myself before I could actually collapse. I felt like I was; my whole body was shaking while I started to feel a little woozy. I successfully calmed myself down and decided to move on even just for that time. Going home wasn't easy. Every second that passed just worsened how I felt... even now. I even lost all my money in Texas HoldEm Poker from Facebook because my mind is so dead. I even forgot that I got 17 out of 20 for Section Two: Writing of my English Half-Yearly exam where the marker thought I actually used awesome words and all, although I sucked at my sentences. Who could blame me since I was pressured to the max? Oh well, I was proud of myself anyway...
Anyway, I'm going to stop now. My head is painfully throbbing, and I just need to think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. Maybe, I'll stay in the Library just like before. Murder me in my dreams, please. Crying this out won't help anymore; I've just tried that. I'll just accept the fact that my life has officially gone away... GIT!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Finding My Way Is the Worst Part
Alright, I know it's kind of weird that I haven't been writing on this thing for a while, but can you blame me if I don't want to bore you guys to death again with my repetitive routine in school days - wake up, school, McDonalds, train station or Virus' place, go home, stay on the Internet, pretend to sleep, sneak in and go Facebook, sleep.... and then the cycle repeats again. The only different thing that probably occurred in the past days that I haven't updated was the fact that I actually got to stay in the Library for three days without seeing my buddies. I actually did get to see Slexy though because she had to do her Geography assignment anyway. It wasn't easy for me personally, but I think V enjoyed the times I wasn't there. She might deny that fact, whatever. I also got to sleepover my auntie's place with V alone, since S couldn't come because she had to babysit her brother. Anyway, I think I absolutely bored her both the days, but I would have to say she got very addicted to Guitar Hero. Last Saturday, she planned to go home at 1 pm, but we ended up playing pool in which I luckily won where I won two games (one game was won when V shot the eight ball in) while V won one. After that, we just played Guitar Hero the whole time - from 3:30 pm until 10:30 pm in the evening. I'll tell you now though, I played until 12:30 midnight... Crazy, eh?
Anyway, that's not the case. I just wanted to get out some stuff off my head now, but it's not working properly. I don't know anymore. I'm just going to have a break for now. It's currently 8:32 pm now, and I have like less than an hour to shower before my curfew...
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Update @ 4:26 pm (the next day): Well, I am not going to continue this anymore. There are far more worse things that just talk about yesterday... Seriously.
Anyway, that's not the case. I just wanted to get out some stuff off my head now, but it's not working properly. I don't know anymore. I'm just going to have a break for now. It's currently 8:32 pm now, and I have like less than an hour to shower before my curfew...
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Update @ 4:26 pm (the next day): Well, I am not going to continue this anymore. There are far more worse things that just talk about yesterday... Seriously.
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