Going the "Right" Way Through a Detour

Alright, I'm not going to say much, but I absolutely will reveal my intentions as of tomorrow - if not - the upcoming days or weeks. I've had this really interesting talk with my dear best bud Virus about a variety of stuff today (well, technically yesterday because it's already morning), and we've come to a point where we've talked about how I deal with stuff: getting too overprotective, worrying too much - yada yada yada... something that relates to those. I couldn't deny the fact that she was absolutely right about most of what she said. I'm just basically taking life too seriously... but hey, I don't want to take it for granted either. The thing is, I should finally accept the fact that I just have to forget stuff, move on and make a new start - that's what I'm planning to do. Tomorrow, if I get to step foot on V's place without any interruptions or basically some other time if there are interruptions...

I made a list towards my road to optimism, something that can cause me to hover my old grin more often like the old times. Pessimism is not me, but it has what I have become these past couple of years when I've went through this dark stage of feeling some sort of isolation and alienation. I have a feeling that I may go through this unfortunate stage again, and I don't want that. Some few letters here and there from old friends had inspired me to do so. I was a little bubbly happy-go-lucky git before, not an old worrying hag...

Anyway, before I do forget about what I was meant to do, here they are:

WARNING: Although I did think about the steps I'm going to take, I'm not going to lie, there might be some new stuff added.

FORGETTING and LETTING GO OF THE [DARK] PAST:
For this step, I may need someone I really trust and is very close to me. That's where V comes in. I'm not sure if she's even going to do this for me, but I hope she'll do this for herself. By the way, I'm not saying I don't trust my other friends, but I did tell V stuff I never dared to tell anyone before. In other words, I just trust her in another level. Plus, she had shown that sense of loyalty and trust with me too, and that just proved that she is the right person for this step.

To let go and forget the ghastly memories of the past, I've decided to just dump everything on her. No, I won't shout at her or anything, but I'm just going to tell her everything - if not most - that had caused me some major heartache or trauma throughout my sixteen years of life. She doesn't need to listen, I guess, but I just want some trustful witness.

After accomplishing this step, I will deliberately try my best to discount these memories in my stuffed head. In this way, I will feel more free because I've finally let out everything that had stabbed me in the back throughout the years. I won't be surprised if I end up crying or sobbing, although I prefer if I just stay calm.

PUT THAT SMILE BACK:
Well, this is the next step to heading towards the old me. I clearly remember one of the teachers in my old school said something about that I'm always happy and smiling. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't smile at old school, except for once or twice when I got pissed at some point with my friends - something which I want to deliberately forget. I shall not only do this at school but also at home. If there are problems, just try to settle it calmly.

APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY:
Listen, I've felt really bad when I realised I just focus on people who I consider to be my best buds with everything. I may indeed would do everything for them, but I feel like I'm neglecting my duties as a friend to other people. I may not be superwoman who can help everyone at everything, but I should show some appreciation to people who had been there for me at all times. I feel like I've been a total snob to them or something. It's painful to see.

LIVE LIFE:
V was right. I should enjoy life as I can because when I grow older, it'll all turn serious and crap. You know what? I want to do it the right way though. Who said that I can't enjoy while doing my work at school? I want to be successful when I grow up and travel around the world. I don't want to regret. You could say I'm a geek who's always out and about for fun. I know there are limits, but who the heck cares? I'm not that stupid to overpass them. I have a life you know...

BUT JUST LEAVE THAT BIT OF ME:
There's just one thing I should leave though - being protective. Not too overprotective though. I won't stop or keep bugging people to do something if they don't want to, although I'm still going to be looking out for them, even if they like it or not. We have to bear in mind that there are always times when things may not go right. There are also times when some seriousness shall be put through. The thing is, I just don't want the day when I see someone familiar in the local newspaper in some sort of trouble. I don't want to go there, but I've delivered my point...

That's it for now I guess. It's almost 2:30 am, and I have a feeling that my dear mother will kill me and forbid me to go tomorrow to V's place if she pushes it through if i veer off too much from the limit. Wish me luck. I shall be back to the old me by this week.

PS: I'm totally a sucker for this new teleserye in TFC - Dahil May Isang Ikaw. It's just bloody sweet, and I would do anything just to have someone like Miguel in my life. It's kind of stupid that Angel and Miguel didn't recognise how each other looked when they grew up though. There should be some familiarity at least. Oh well, it's still really good. I can't wait for it next week.

Kambal Sa Uma is also getting interesting. Venus/Ella finally forgave Vira after she saved her from getting killed. Celeste, after finding out what happened, would surely want to kill Vira. Dino had finally regretted the fact that he didn't believe Vira the first time; now, they're back together which was very sweet. Gab, on the other hand, is pissing me off because it was kind of his fault - even though Venus/Ella was the one who break his heart after cancelling their wedding - because he didn't believe Venus/Ella that she didn't kill his father. Gosh. He should have known better.

Anyway, it's like 2:48 am now, and I'm still not close to sleeping. GIT!

... and oh, it was so sweet that my classmates in school missed me. That's one of the reason why I thought about the appreciation thing. I didn't appreciate them enough, I guess.

I'll miss work experience too. I've met some awesome people there, and I suprisingly had lots of fun...

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Update @ 12:24 am (of the next day): I just had this 76-minute conversation with V today (she just had $30 Vodafone Credit with 150 minutes of free calls), and she totally agreed about the favour that I was going to ask her. In fact, she suggested it too. I'm absolutely happy she's on my side. It was hilarious how I get to talk to her dear mother too because I didn't notice that it was her at first. LOL!

Anyway, I'm actually doing pretty well with everything - the whole optimistic me. I haven't thought negatively the whole day. Even though V told me about how she might be moving next year, I held myself pretty properly, and she was even surprised I handled it well. I know I may be strong for now, but I'm sure I'm going to fail when I have to say goodbye. I know we're still in the same country - a couple of hours away - but it's just different...

You know, I'm not going to lie, I would love to wish that something wrong may happen to the whole moving plan, but of course, I don't want them to feel sad or anything. I'd rather see them happy, so I shall be happy instead. I don't want to be selfish anymore. If they're happy with that, I should be too. It's hard to accept that, but there's not much to do. At the end, it's their decision. I know I would be deeply crushed inside, but I will try myself to live. I shall. I don't know what to do anymore. Whatever. Didn't I say to be positive? What happens happens. "Everything happens for a reason." ... and that sucks. I just don't want to think about this anymore...

GAH! I don't want to talk much. I have school tomorrow, and it's already 12:35 am. I don't want to die, sleeping in classes again... *sigh*