Anyway, I can't remember much from where I've left off. Luckily, I have this note on my To-do lists on the Organiser category on my crappy phone. It states "Blog. Alcohol. Load crisis. Moving. Missing." Of course, to make my job easier, I'm just going to refer to these since I was meant to anyway...
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BLOG:
Alright, I think this is obvious so I'm not even going to bother expanding on this. Duh! This was basically a reminder for me to start writing the blog. Nothing else. Before I move on, I think I just disappointed Virus for writing in this blog. I think she was proud of me when she realised that I wasn't writing much anymore... but hey, I can't help it. There's too much that is in my head, and there are stuff I just want to dump in my blog rather than in my head.
ALCOHOL:
Well, this was not really important, but it was something I would just like to share with the world - I guess. Well, I drank a single bottle of alcohol two days ago - Smirnoff Double Ice or something like that - and the next thing I knew, I was starting to feel itchy. Bloody hell. I knew by then that my allergy came back to attack me. The last time I had it was when I had five consecutive beers when I went clubbing in the Phils last summer. The allergy lasted for about two weeks at least, and it had to ruin my fun when we visited Singapore. Seriously. GIT! I'm still badly itching you know.
LOAD CRISIS:
This is quite hilarious. The thing is, whenever V or me receive some credit, the free calls could barely reach a week. One time, I think it finished by a day or two. There's nothing much to talk about in this topic... Oh yeah, that reminded me of this Flexi caps for Vodafone that I might buy sometime. It's only for $49 or something like that and it has 350 Vodafone to Vodafone free calls and some Flexi credit. Bloody hell. I think it said that it's worth $700 or something. I don't know. My dear mother reckons I could finish before the week finishes though. I kind of agree with her on that... LOL!
MOVING:
Moving... GIT! I don't really want to talk about anything like this. It's just people are moving houses away from me again. Bloody hell. Even we are moving. The thing is, V has a very big possibility of moving two hours away from us. Bloody hell. She plans to go on the same school, but seriously, who would be fudged to travel that far? I don't know. She has been having problems just last week, and I wasn't much help. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe, moving is a good thing for her, so I won't stop her. Bloody hell. I swear, I promise (remember I don't break promises) I will be the saddest person ever if that's the case. I would not know what to do anymore. It's like a repeat of the whole "goodbye, see you, I'll always remember you" incidents that Iencounter most of the times whenever a very close friend leaves. Heck. I may be leaving my house by the end of the year, but I'm not moving that far at all...
WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP LOSING MY BEST BUDS? Seriously, I would trade any material possessions - anything - just to keep a best bud. Call me desperate. I am anyway. Who wouldn't be when you seem to lose everything? GIT! I don't know anymore. I feel like crying now...
MISSING:
I'm not really sure what this whole "missing" thing is about. I think it's because of the work experience thing. I think I was referring to the fact that I will miss my friends, especially V, since I see and talk to her 24/7. I don't know. I think I'm just used to it. The thing is, it's different for her I think...
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Anyway, I feel like I may need to elaborate more to expand on this issue. You know, there was this whole issue about a break between us for a while. Don't get me wrong - it's only like a break like get away from each other for a while to not get sick of each other. The thing is, she finally admitted she is getting sick of me. I wasn't surprised, since I think a person on the right mind would totally agree... but I was just wondering why I don't feel the same thing. Sometimes, I just wish I could actually feel the same thing, so I actually don't feel any pain and just totally understand the whole thing - but I can't. GIT! I don't know. It just hurts a lot, and I don't think she understands even now, even after we talked. There's just stuff I can't explain or say properly. The thing is, I'm very cautious to not say anything misleading because both of us made a vow sometime last week. If we break it, our friendship is over...
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that she dogged me. Abandoned was a better suited term... Alienated. Well, she left me I guess to die in the library while she hung out with other friends. You know, the thing is, I never had a friend done that to me before - at least I can't remember, and it just left me with my mouth wide open. I don't know. I felt this piercing in my heart, and I just stormed off into the fields and wept and wrote some stuff that I didn't remember. Even though I eventually forgave her the next day after she told me the reason why she did that, I could still feel the pain until now. Fresh. Painful. Crap. I just wished that she told me earlier to lessen the pain. At least, I knew why she would rather get away from me...
That's when we decided with the break. I actually wanted to work with her at Big W then before she proclaimed the whole "I'm getting sick of you. We need to have some time away from each other..." They're not the exact words, but they are the words that were tattoed in my head. Well, I decided to not go MSN at all but failed in doing so. I couldn't help but get tempted. I ended up wasting my dear parent's credit, texting her nonsensical stuff and all those crap. Bloody hell...
Today, I kind of killed it though. She eventually started talking to me in MSN and I was happy of course. Without my knowledge, V, Mini-Virus and Slexy had actually planned for us to go swimming on Saturday. Even though I was excited, I knew I had to say no. GIT! The break was meant to go for a week, and Saturday is so not the end of the week. Listen man, I'm just taking precautions. I don't want to get abandoned again. Simple as that. I feel like the cycle goes like: "I miss you", "YAY! I'm with you", "GIT! Could I hang out over there for now? You could go to the library and do your bloody work", "See you in two weeks then". Bloody hell. I just don't want this to happen again. To be honest, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right anymore...
Screw this. I'm just going to do my work experience in Coles tomorrow and focus on that. It's already 2:25 am, and I'm sure I'll be dead tomorrow... I swear, I feel like I'm going to have a nosebleed... LOL!
Before I forget, to set the record, I think today will be the first day that I won't get to talk to V. My problem. My fault. My cause. *sigh*
PS: V, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being stupid, selfish and foolish. I'm the worst buddy you could ever have, and I apologise deeply for that. I know you're sick of this line, but you have to admit that I'm right. I hope you know that most of my "stupidity" that pisses you off usually are stuff that I initially thought will make you have a better life. Sorry man, I'm only human, a very stupid, flawed one.
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