Learner's Trauma

Nothing much. Same old, same old. Life goes on quite typically - sleeping late, arguing with Virus and whatever. The only difference is the fact that my great grandparents are not living with us now. It's basically just people arguing - that's all. I don't really want to dig deep on that topic, so yeah. I'm just happy at the fact that I finally have my own bedroom.

Moving on, I'm just really wasting my time trying to express my anxiety about my upcoming Driver's Knowledge Test on Thursday. I fully studied - well partially because I was kind of distracted with other stuff - the practice test and now my brain is fried. I was stupid because I should have read the test questions instead of retaking the test and getting similar questions that I already knew... Dinggit. I just hope I'll do fine. I've been dying to get over and done with this...

That's all. I don't want to bother you all with my blabbering anyway. All I can probably say is that I can't wait for this on Saturday in which I invited my sister's friend whom I've been dying to meet ages ago where we will be playing Laser Skirmish and bowling in AMF Bowling in Villawood. I fully had to reschedule to 4 pm - 5 pm just so V could hopefully make it just in time. Since we have camping with my family the following day, she will be dropped by either her mum or dad the day before. I just hope she gets just in time because I wanted to bring her there the moment I went there last week for a birthday party.

Anyway, that's all I guess. I just hope the argument or whatever V and I had today will be fine by tomorrow. It usually goes away after a while, although I'm not going to be hopeful. Who knows? Of course, I hope it will be fine. I know it will be somehow anyway.

PS: I've done quite alright in the School Certificate. I got Band 6s in Science and History, having both of them above 90s. I got a Band 5 for Maths with only 84. I got Band 4s in Geography and English - which I quite expected in the first place. In Computers, I got a 98 with High Competency. All I can say is that I'll really try in 2010. This time it's more serious. It's the Higher School Certificate which will determine your future basically.

Yes, It Happens Only Once In Eternity

Imprinting.
It´s like love at first sight - only stronger.
It comes naturally to a werewolf.
Once a werewolf even looks at the right person they become like their everything.
Everything revolves around them. You can do anything for them and you will.
Nothing can break that bond apart.

I know. I didn´t really have another way to explain what I´m thinking at the moment. I just had to include Twilight in this...

Bloody hell. This is the only way I could explain what it´s like for me about Virus. The only difference is that my love for her is of course that sisterly love yet this is still not normal - but the rest are the same. DINGGIT! I feel almost that all I do is care for her like she's some treasured possession or something. I can´t think of anything else but for her own good and all. I can´t also say no to her. Never - except if it's something unreasonable of course. I don't know, but the hardships I've been through for her proves that I'll do anything for her I guess. Lastly - it's something that I can't alter anymore. It's something permanent - like it´s been built in my system. It´s stuck here forever.

And that´s what it is. I know for most people, especially if they had only met their so-called best friend for a short while, it'll be easy for them to move on from a loss like mine. For me, I don't know why it seems like I was going to lose everything before when I thought this departure of hers can hinder our normal every day conversation. Just to tell you now, I never had a day that I haven´t talked to her yet since I don´t know when. God knows when of course - perhaps the first day I met her. It´s just weird because I´m not really sure what made me feel this whole protective thing about her while I haven´t even met her for a year. I never ever had treated anyone like this, and it just basically makes me wonder...

But then I thought that maybe something similar to imprinting occurred to her. I think it did. Maybe it's because I had millions of friends before yet I never had one best friend since year 4 - after I lost my first one of about seven years. I don´t know what I´ve seen in her but I`m just surprised really. She´s the last person I had ever expected to be my friend the first time I heard that we have a new student because of some personal reasons, but when I met her personally, it felt like my whole perspective changed. Duh - imprinting, something that comes unexpectedly.

Well besides that confirmation that it's probably just like an imprinting phenomenon, I'm just very happy to realise that she's the half of Marjaleigh that I've been looking for. Long story but I just know. Only one person could be fitted in this role, and that's a permanent thing for me too...

Why Marjaleigh? Search who Marjaleigh is. Well basically, it´s just a term that I use to refer to the epitome of best friendship because Marjaleigh themselves embodied it well. The thing is - they´re exactly like V and me. They've only met for a few weeks in the America's Next Top Model Cycle 11 house, but they became best of friends. Just like us - except for the fact that we seem to have a stronger bond than those two. From the moment I've seen these two, I've always wanted another half... and obviously, I've found it. Just like how V puts it: "you only meet your true best friend once in your lifetime" - or something like that. I agree of course. Our ideas do because it's like imprinting - it's happens only once.

I don't really know what to say anymore except that I miss my best bud. Even though I talk to her literally everyday, it´s not the same when she´s not present there... I think I'm just starting to feel sleepy and all. Bloody hell - it's because it's almost 3 am...

DINGGIT! I´m about to faint.

Oh wait - before I go, I just wanted to rapidly summarise that time I spent with Slexy and Tazzie plus the time I spent with V. The time I had with S and T was basically crazy as I did stuff I never really imagined doing yet with them leaving 2:30 am in the morning of a school day. You just don´t want to know what craziness took place there. However, My visit to V was absolutely awesome. Even though it took three hours to travel there by public transportation, I wouldn't mind going there everyday just to see my best bud you know. It´s worth it. Leaving at 1 am in the morning was the best too. I owe my parents for that sacrifice they made for me...

That's all. Me sleepy. Very sleepy.

Three Months Can Reak Havoc

Wow. Three months gone, and you have no clue how much it has changed. Who knew that it could bring out so much trouble, blood (oh yes, blood - from the nosebleeds that I had from all the problems that faced me) and most of all pain.

Well, another reason why I haven't written on this blog is because I own a notebook where I right the same stuff pretty much all day, except it contains miscellaneous stuff as well. I was just not bothered going online I guess that I just pour myself out on a piece of paper.

Moving on, here's the things that have changed:

1. DingGit. There's really no more Tush anymore. Well, it's pretty much a long story and I'm not bothered explaining why. It's not that, but it was depressing in a way that I was afraid that I'll lose both of them - Virus specifically. The only thing was, Slexy ventured off from us and all because of some issues but who cares - now we're all cool. We're all good friends again, but just me and V... but yeah, I don't want to dig in this subject too much I guess.
2. School Certificate. Everything is fine, I guess, although English can be mind-wrecking. I apparently, did well on History - and Geography too. The rest was fine of course. Computers was awesome of course, and I think Maths and Science were cool too - except that I didn't get to finish the last couple of questions for Maths.
3. Troublemaker. Apparently, my parents thought I was a troublemaker and all, and I was failing at school. Well, they did checked up on me at school, realising that they probably just wasted my time because all of my teachers just talked about how wonderful I was at school and that I'm doing pretty well. At the end, they've cooled down - except for the fact they're having issues with how I speak back sometimes. At the moment, I am still in the recovery from the blow I've made again after they didn't let me sleepover at the Viruses. Long story.
4. The Sudden Departure. Well this mainly revolves on the fact that the Viruses had to move all of a sudden - an hour and a half away from my place. I couldn't blame them really. Their neighbour was somehow psychopathic and I've witnessed that after he intentionally parked his truck in front of the Viruses' garage before they had to leave. Plus, her parents had always dreamt of living near the beaches. Anyway, I guess this brought out the most pain in me and the stress. I ended up becoming like a pessimist again and fighting with V a lot of times - everyday actually, even now. I don't know, it's been a while since they've moved from the 14th of November, but it's still hurting me I guess. The thing is, I am very happy for them, but it just hurts me inside. I know it's not affecting V so much because apparently, she knows (well I think alike too) that we'll not get rid of each other (like "blood" as she put it today when we talked for almost an hour after not getting to talk on the phone for two days because I was in trouble) but I just don't know what it is going to be like for me. I don't know and I don't want to elaborate on this - it's making me go all devastated.
5. The Decision. Well, I'm not really sure what my final decision is, but after these past few days from the day I got in trouble, I've decided to make some great decisions. Well, the thing is, I haven't made it yet because I want to talk to V about it. I tell her everything anyway (for we had made this "unbreakable vow" which our friendship is the consequence if broken) and that's why she's usually the person I confide to. Always will and forever will, I guess. The decision will most likely affect my future and the path I'm going to, so I'm pretty scared and nervous about it. Six choices, one destination.

But yeah, I'm just all devastated with what happened, and it's killing me bad. I just don't know how to handle this and this decision could only be the one to help me. It's six choices with one destination. I'll let fate pick it for me, so whatever.

Anyway, I'll be asking my mum if I could actually stay at V's place for Friday. I know it'll be a question because we still have this tension after I got in trouble. I talked to her today though, although it's such a bad coincidence that I had to ask something from her at a time when I just got fine with them. I know they're going to think that I might be being cool with them because I need something, but I hope they'll know the truth. It's just I just miss V so much that it's almost like I'm going to go crazy. I don't know. She's just like my sister and it's hard not seeing her for so long. Not talking to her for a day would be torture too. GAH! So goodluck for me.

And oh, S and Tazzie will be hanging out with me tomorrow at my auntie's new place (oh yes - she has a new place with a larger space and swimming pool). Apparently, she wants me to hang out with those two only because she knows well that if V comes, I'll stick with her like glue and that I haven't hung out with them properly anyway for a long time. It kind of hurt her that she wasn't invited I guess, but I explained the reason to her - although badly.

It's like 1:43 am now, and I have to leave. I have to leave early for home tomorrow. That's all for now. This actually made me feel better. =]

PS: And oh, I told V she'll be the first and last best bud I'll have. I know I had one before, but that was when I was three. She's the first real one I have, and I'm not going there again. That reminds me, I gave her this ring that engraved "our nicknames = BF4L" as a goodbye/birthday present (as well as the Nintendo DS Lite and a huge bear that I saved from working tirelessly at McDonalds - oh yes, I'm working now). That's all really I guess. I just want to express how important she'll always be for me (as well as the rest of her family) - for she had brought back some of the old optimistic fun-loving me.