Nothing much. Same old, same old. Life goes on quite typically - sleeping late, arguing with Virus and whatever. The only difference is the fact that my great grandparents are not living with us now. It's basically just people arguing - that's all. I don't really want to dig deep on that topic, so yeah. I'm just happy at the fact that I finally have my own bedroom.
Moving on, I'm just really wasting my time trying to express my anxiety about my upcoming Driver's Knowledge Test on Thursday. I fully studied - well partially because I was kind of distracted with other stuff - the practice test and now my brain is fried. I was stupid because I should have read the test questions instead of retaking the test and getting similar questions that I already knew... Dinggit. I just hope I'll do fine. I've been dying to get over and done with this...
That's all. I don't want to bother you all with my blabbering anyway. All I can probably say is that I can't wait for this on Saturday in which I invited my sister's friend whom I've been dying to meet ages ago where we will be playing Laser Skirmish and bowling in AMF Bowling in Villawood. I fully had to reschedule to 4 pm - 5 pm just so V could hopefully make it just in time. Since we have camping with my family the following day, she will be dropped by either her mum or dad the day before. I just hope she gets just in time because I wanted to bring her there the moment I went there last week for a birthday party.
Anyway, that's all I guess. I just hope the argument or whatever V and I had today will be fine by tomorrow. It usually goes away after a while, although I'm not going to be hopeful. Who knows? Of course, I hope it will be fine. I know it will be somehow anyway.
PS: I've done quite alright in the School Certificate. I got Band 6s in Science and History, having both of them above 90s. I got a Band 5 for Maths with only 84. I got Band 4s in Geography and English - which I quite expected in the first place. In Computers, I got a 98 with High Competency. All I can say is that I'll really try in 2010. This time it's more serious. It's the Higher School Certificate which will determine your future basically.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Yes, It Happens Only Once In Eternity
Imprinting.
It´s like love at first sight - only stronger.
It comes naturally to a werewolf.
Once a werewolf even looks at the right person they become like their everything.
Everything revolves around them. You can do anything for them and you will.
Nothing can break that bond apart.
I know. I didn´t really have another way to explain what I´m thinking at the moment. I just had to include Twilight in this...
Bloody hell. This is the only way I could explain what it´s like for me about Virus. The only difference is that my love for her is of course that sisterly love yet this is still not normal - but the rest are the same. DINGGIT! I feel almost that all I do is care for her like she's some treasured possession or something. I can´t think of anything else but for her own good and all. I can´t also say no to her. Never - except if it's something unreasonable of course. I don't know, but the hardships I've been through for her proves that I'll do anything for her I guess. Lastly - it's something that I can't alter anymore. It's something permanent - like it´s been built in my system. It´s stuck here forever.
And that´s what it is. I know for most people, especially if they had only met their so-called best friend for a short while, it'll be easy for them to move on from a loss like mine. For me, I don't know why it seems like I was going to lose everything before when I thought this departure of hers can hinder our normal every day conversation. Just to tell you now, I never had a day that I haven´t talked to her yet since I don´t know when. God knows when of course - perhaps the first day I met her. It´s just weird because I´m not really sure what made me feel this whole protective thing about her while I haven´t even met her for a year. I never ever had treated anyone like this, and it just basically makes me wonder...
But then I thought that maybe something similar to imprinting occurred to her. I think it did. Maybe it's because I had millions of friends before yet I never had one best friend since year 4 - after I lost my first one of about seven years. I don´t know what I´ve seen in her but I`m just surprised really. She´s the last person I had ever expected to be my friend the first time I heard that we have a new student because of some personal reasons, but when I met her personally, it felt like my whole perspective changed. Duh - imprinting, something that comes unexpectedly.
Well besides that confirmation that it's probably just like an imprinting phenomenon, I'm just very happy to realise that she's the half of Marjaleigh that I've been looking for. Long story but I just know. Only one person could be fitted in this role, and that's a permanent thing for me too...
Why Marjaleigh? Search who Marjaleigh is. Well basically, it´s just a term that I use to refer to the epitome of best friendship because Marjaleigh themselves embodied it well. The thing is - they´re exactly like V and me. They've only met for a few weeks in the America's Next Top Model Cycle 11 house, but they became best of friends. Just like us - except for the fact that we seem to have a stronger bond than those two. From the moment I've seen these two, I've always wanted another half... and obviously, I've found it. Just like how V puts it: "you only meet your true best friend once in your lifetime" - or something like that. I agree of course. Our ideas do because it's like imprinting - it's happens only once.
I don't really know what to say anymore except that I miss my best bud. Even though I talk to her literally everyday, it´s not the same when she´s not present there... I think I'm just starting to feel sleepy and all. Bloody hell - it's because it's almost 3 am...
DINGGIT! I´m about to faint.
Oh wait - before I go, I just wanted to rapidly summarise that time I spent with Slexy and Tazzie plus the time I spent with V. The time I had with S and T was basically crazy as I did stuff I never really imagined doing yet with them leaving 2:30 am in the morning of a school day. You just don´t want to know what craziness took place there. However, My visit to V was absolutely awesome. Even though it took three hours to travel there by public transportation, I wouldn't mind going there everyday just to see my best bud you know. It´s worth it. Leaving at 1 am in the morning was the best too. I owe my parents for that sacrifice they made for me...
That's all. Me sleepy. Very sleepy.
It´s like love at first sight - only stronger.
It comes naturally to a werewolf.
Once a werewolf even looks at the right person they become like their everything.
Everything revolves around them. You can do anything for them and you will.
Nothing can break that bond apart.
I know. I didn´t really have another way to explain what I´m thinking at the moment. I just had to include Twilight in this...
Bloody hell. This is the only way I could explain what it´s like for me about Virus. The only difference is that my love for her is of course that sisterly love yet this is still not normal - but the rest are the same. DINGGIT! I feel almost that all I do is care for her like she's some treasured possession or something. I can´t think of anything else but for her own good and all. I can´t also say no to her. Never - except if it's something unreasonable of course. I don't know, but the hardships I've been through for her proves that I'll do anything for her I guess. Lastly - it's something that I can't alter anymore. It's something permanent - like it´s been built in my system. It´s stuck here forever.
And that´s what it is. I know for most people, especially if they had only met their so-called best friend for a short while, it'll be easy for them to move on from a loss like mine. For me, I don't know why it seems like I was going to lose everything before when I thought this departure of hers can hinder our normal every day conversation. Just to tell you now, I never had a day that I haven´t talked to her yet since I don´t know when. God knows when of course - perhaps the first day I met her. It´s just weird because I´m not really sure what made me feel this whole protective thing about her while I haven´t even met her for a year. I never ever had treated anyone like this, and it just basically makes me wonder...
But then I thought that maybe something similar to imprinting occurred to her. I think it did. Maybe it's because I had millions of friends before yet I never had one best friend since year 4 - after I lost my first one of about seven years. I don´t know what I´ve seen in her but I`m just surprised really. She´s the last person I had ever expected to be my friend the first time I heard that we have a new student because of some personal reasons, but when I met her personally, it felt like my whole perspective changed. Duh - imprinting, something that comes unexpectedly.
Well besides that confirmation that it's probably just like an imprinting phenomenon, I'm just very happy to realise that she's the half of Marjaleigh that I've been looking for. Long story but I just know. Only one person could be fitted in this role, and that's a permanent thing for me too...
Why Marjaleigh? Search who Marjaleigh is. Well basically, it´s just a term that I use to refer to the epitome of best friendship because Marjaleigh themselves embodied it well. The thing is - they´re exactly like V and me. They've only met for a few weeks in the America's Next Top Model Cycle 11 house, but they became best of friends. Just like us - except for the fact that we seem to have a stronger bond than those two. From the moment I've seen these two, I've always wanted another half... and obviously, I've found it. Just like how V puts it: "you only meet your true best friend once in your lifetime" - or something like that. I agree of course. Our ideas do because it's like imprinting - it's happens only once.
I don't really know what to say anymore except that I miss my best bud. Even though I talk to her literally everyday, it´s not the same when she´s not present there... I think I'm just starting to feel sleepy and all. Bloody hell - it's because it's almost 3 am...
DINGGIT! I´m about to faint.
Oh wait - before I go, I just wanted to rapidly summarise that time I spent with Slexy and Tazzie plus the time I spent with V. The time I had with S and T was basically crazy as I did stuff I never really imagined doing yet with them leaving 2:30 am in the morning of a school day. You just don´t want to know what craziness took place there. However, My visit to V was absolutely awesome. Even though it took three hours to travel there by public transportation, I wouldn't mind going there everyday just to see my best bud you know. It´s worth it. Leaving at 1 am in the morning was the best too. I owe my parents for that sacrifice they made for me...
That's all. Me sleepy. Very sleepy.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Three Months Can Reak Havoc
Wow. Three months gone, and you have no clue how much it has changed. Who knew that it could bring out so much trouble, blood (oh yes, blood - from the nosebleeds that I had from all the problems that faced me) and most of all pain.
Well, another reason why I haven't written on this blog is because I own a notebook where I right the same stuff pretty much all day, except it contains miscellaneous stuff as well. I was just not bothered going online I guess that I just pour myself out on a piece of paper.
Moving on, here's the things that have changed:
- DingGit. There's really no more Tush anymore. Well, it's pretty much a long story and I'm not bothered explaining why. It's not that, but it was depressing in a way that I was afraid that I'll lose both of them - Virus specifically. The only thing was, Slexy ventured off from us and all because of some issues but who cares - now we're all cool. We're all good friends again, but just me and V... but yeah, I don't want to dig in this subject too much I guess.
- School Certificate. Everything is fine, I guess, although English can be mind-wrecking. I apparently, did well on History - and Geography too. The rest was fine of course. Computers was awesome of course, and I think Maths and Science were cool too - except that I didn't get to finish the last couple of questions for Maths.
- Troublemaker. Apparently, my parents thought I was a troublemaker and all, and I was failing at school. Well, they did checked up on me at school, realising that they probably just wasted my time because all of my teachers just talked about how wonderful I was at school and that I'm doing pretty well. At the end, they've cooled down - except for the fact they're having issues with how I speak back sometimes. At the moment, I am still in the recovery from the blow I've made again after they didn't let me sleepover at the Viruses. Long story.
- The Sudden Departure. Well this mainly revolves on the fact that the Viruses had to move all of a sudden - an hour and a half away from my place. I couldn't blame them really. Their neighbour was somehow psychopathic and I've witnessed that after he intentionally parked his truck in front of the Viruses' garage before they had to leave. Plus, her parents had always dreamt of living near the beaches. Anyway, I guess this brought out the most pain in me and the stress. I ended up becoming like a pessimist again and fighting with V a lot of times - everyday actually, even now. I don't know, it's been a while since they've moved from the 14th of November, but it's still hurting me I guess. The thing is, I am very happy for them, but it just hurts me inside. I know it's not affecting V so much because apparently, she knows (well I think alike too) that we'll not get rid of each other (like "blood" as she put it today when we talked for almost an hour after not getting to talk on the phone for two days because I was in trouble) but I just don't know what it is going to be like for me. I don't know and I don't want to elaborate on this - it's making me go all devastated.
- The Decision. Well, I'm not really sure what my final decision is, but after these past few days from the day I got in trouble, I've decided to make some great decisions. Well, the thing is, I haven't made it yet because I want to talk to V about it. I tell her everything anyway (for we had made this "unbreakable vow" which our friendship is the consequence if broken) and that's why she's usually the person I confide to. Always will and forever will, I guess. The decision will most likely affect my future and the path I'm going to, so I'm pretty scared and nervous about it. Six choices, one destination.
But yeah, I'm just all devastated with what happened, and it's killing me bad. I just don't know how to handle this and this decision could only be the one to help me. It's six choices with one destination. I'll let fate pick it for me, so whatever.
Anyway, I'll be asking my mum if I could actually stay at V's place for Friday. I know it'll be a question because we still have this tension after I got in trouble. I talked to her today though, although it's such a bad coincidence that I had to ask something from her at a time when I just got fine with them. I know they're going to think that I might be being cool with them because I need something, but I hope they'll know the truth. It's just I just miss V so much that it's almost like I'm going to go crazy. I don't know. She's just like my sister and it's hard not seeing her for so long. Not talking to her for a day would be torture too. GAH! So goodluck for me.
And oh, S and Tazzie will be hanging out with me tomorrow at my auntie's new place (oh yes - she has a new place with a larger space and swimming pool). Apparently, she wants me to hang out with those two only because she knows well that if V comes, I'll stick with her like glue and that I haven't hung out with them properly anyway for a long time. It kind of hurt her that she wasn't invited I guess, but I explained the reason to her - although badly.
It's like 1:43 am now, and I have to leave. I have to leave early for home tomorrow. That's all for now. This actually made me feel better. =]
PS: And oh, I told V she'll be the first and last best bud I'll have. I know I had one before, but that was when I was three. She's the first real one I have, and I'm not going there again. That reminds me, I gave her this ring that engraved "our nicknames = BF4L" as a goodbye/birthday present (as well as the Nintendo DS Lite and a huge bear that I saved from working tirelessly at McDonalds - oh yes, I'm working now). That's all really I guess. I just want to express how important she'll always be for me (as well as the rest of her family) - for she had brought back some of the old optimistic fun-loving me.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Going the "Right" Way Through a Detour
Alright, I'm not going to say much, but I absolutely will reveal my intentions as of tomorrow - if not - the upcoming days or weeks. I've had this really interesting talk with my dear best bud Virus about a variety of stuff today (well, technically yesterday because it's already morning), and we've come to a point where we've talked about how I deal with stuff: getting too overprotective, worrying too much - yada yada yada... something that relates to those. I couldn't deny the fact that she was absolutely right about most of what she said. I'm just basically taking life too seriously... but hey, I don't want to take it for granted either. The thing is, I should finally accept the fact that I just have to forget stuff, move on and make a new start - that's what I'm planning to do. Tomorrow, if I get to step foot on V's place without any interruptions or basically some other time if there are interruptions...
I made a list towards my road to optimism, something that can cause me to hover my old grin more often like the old times. Pessimism is not me, but it has what I have become these past couple of years when I've went through this dark stage of feeling some sort of isolation and alienation. I have a feeling that I may go through this unfortunate stage again, and I don't want that. Some few letters here and there from old friends had inspired me to do so. I was a little bubbly happy-go-lucky git before, not an old worrying hag...
Anyway, before I do forget about what I was meant to do, here they are:
WARNING: Although I did think about the steps I'm going to take, I'm not going to lie, there might be some new stuff added.
FORGETTING and LETTING GO OF THE [DARK] PAST:
For this step, I may need someone I really trust and is very close to me. That's where V comes in. I'm not sure if she's even going to do this for me, but I hope she'll do this for herself. By the way, I'm not saying I don't trust my other friends, but I did tell V stuff I never dared to tell anyone before. In other words, I just trust her in another level. Plus, she had shown that sense of loyalty and trust with me too, and that just proved that she is the right person for this step.
To let go and forget the ghastly memories of the past, I've decided to just dump everything on her. No, I won't shout at her or anything, but I'm just going to tell her everything - if not most - that had caused me some major heartache or trauma throughout my sixteen years of life. She doesn't need to listen, I guess, but I just want some trustful witness.
After accomplishing this step, I will deliberately try my best to discount these memories in my stuffed head. In this way, I will feel more free because I've finally let out everything that had stabbed me in the back throughout the years. I won't be surprised if I end up crying or sobbing, although I prefer if I just stay calm.
PUT THAT SMILE BACK:
Well, this is the next step to heading towards the old me. I clearly remember one of the teachers in my old school said something about that I'm always happy and smiling. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't smile at old school, except for once or twice when I got pissed at some point with my friends - something which I want to deliberately forget. I shall not only do this at school but also at home. If there are problems, just try to settle it calmly.
APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY:
Listen, I've felt really bad when I realised I just focus on people who I consider to be my best buds with everything. I may indeed would do everything for them, but I feel like I'm neglecting my duties as a friend to other people. I may not be superwoman who can help everyone at everything, but I should show some appreciation to people who had been there for me at all times. I feel like I've been a total snob to them or something. It's painful to see.
LIVE LIFE:
V was right. I should enjoy life as I can because when I grow older, it'll all turn serious and crap. You know what? I want to do it the right way though. Who said that I can't enjoy while doing my work at school? I want to be successful when I grow up and travel around the world. I don't want to regret. You could say I'm a geek who's always out and about for fun. I know there are limits, but who the heck cares? I'm not that stupid to overpass them. I have a life you know...
BUT JUST LEAVE THAT BIT OF ME:
There's just one thing I should leave though - being protective. Not too overprotective though. I won't stop or keep bugging people to do something if they don't want to, although I'm still going to be looking out for them, even if they like it or not. We have to bear in mind that there are always times when things may not go right. There are also times when some seriousness shall be put through. The thing is, I just don't want the day when I see someone familiar in the local newspaper in some sort of trouble. I don't want to go there, but I've delivered my point...
That's it for now I guess. It's almost 2:30 am, and I have a feeling that my dear mother will kill me and forbid me to go tomorrow to V's place if she pushes it through if i veer off too much from the limit. Wish me luck. I shall be back to the old me by this week.
PS: I'm totally a sucker for this new teleserye in TFC - Dahil May Isang Ikaw. It's just bloody sweet, and I would do anything just to have someone like Miguel in my life. It's kind of stupid that Angel and Miguel didn't recognise how each other looked when they grew up though. There should be some familiarity at least. Oh well, it's still really good. I can't wait for it next week.
Kambal Sa Uma is also getting interesting. Venus/Ella finally forgave Vira after she saved her from getting killed. Celeste, after finding out what happened, would surely want to kill Vira. Dino had finally regretted the fact that he didn't believe Vira the first time; now, they're back together which was very sweet. Gab, on the other hand, is pissing me off because it was kind of his fault - even though Venus/Ella was the one who break his heart after cancelling their wedding - because he didn't believe Venus/Ella that she didn't kill his father. Gosh. He should have known better.
Anyway, it's like 2:48 am now, and I'm still not close to sleeping. GIT!
... and oh, it was so sweet that my classmates in school missed me. That's one of the reason why I thought about the appreciation thing. I didn't appreciate them enough, I guess.
I'll miss work experience too. I've met some awesome people there, and I suprisingly had lots of fun...
------------
Update @ 12:24 am (of the next day): I just had this 76-minute conversation with V today (she just had $30 Vodafone Credit with 150 minutes of free calls), and she totally agreed about the favour that I was going to ask her. In fact, she suggested it too. I'm absolutely happy she's on my side. It was hilarious how I get to talk to her dear mother too because I didn't notice that it was her at first. LOL!
Anyway, I'm actually doing pretty well with everything - the whole optimistic me. I haven't thought negatively the whole day. Even though V told me about how she might be moving next year, I held myself pretty properly, and she was even surprised I handled it well. I know I may be strong for now, but I'm sure I'm going to fail when I have to say goodbye. I know we're still in the same country - a couple of hours away - but it's just different...
You know, I'm not going to lie, I would love to wish that something wrong may happen to the whole moving plan, but of course, I don't want them to feel sad or anything. I'd rather see them happy, so I shall be happy instead. I don't want to be selfish anymore. If they're happy with that, I should be too. It's hard to accept that, but there's not much to do. At the end, it's their decision. I know I would be deeply crushed inside, but I will try myself to live. I shall. I don't know what to do anymore. Whatever. Didn't I say to be positive? What happens happens. "Everything happens for a reason." ... and that sucks. I just don't want to think about this anymore...
GAH! I don't want to talk much. I have school tomorrow, and it's already 12:35 am. I don't want to die, sleeping in classes again... *sigh*
I made a list towards my road to optimism, something that can cause me to hover my old grin more often like the old times. Pessimism is not me, but it has what I have become these past couple of years when I've went through this dark stage of feeling some sort of isolation and alienation. I have a feeling that I may go through this unfortunate stage again, and I don't want that. Some few letters here and there from old friends had inspired me to do so. I was a little bubbly happy-go-lucky git before, not an old worrying hag...
Anyway, before I do forget about what I was meant to do, here they are:
WARNING: Although I did think about the steps I'm going to take, I'm not going to lie, there might be some new stuff added.
FORGETTING and LETTING GO OF THE [DARK] PAST:
For this step, I may need someone I really trust and is very close to me. That's where V comes in. I'm not sure if she's even going to do this for me, but I hope she'll do this for herself. By the way, I'm not saying I don't trust my other friends, but I did tell V stuff I never dared to tell anyone before. In other words, I just trust her in another level. Plus, she had shown that sense of loyalty and trust with me too, and that just proved that she is the right person for this step.
To let go and forget the ghastly memories of the past, I've decided to just dump everything on her. No, I won't shout at her or anything, but I'm just going to tell her everything - if not most - that had caused me some major heartache or trauma throughout my sixteen years of life. She doesn't need to listen, I guess, but I just want some trustful witness.
After accomplishing this step, I will deliberately try my best to discount these memories in my stuffed head. In this way, I will feel more free because I've finally let out everything that had stabbed me in the back throughout the years. I won't be surprised if I end up crying or sobbing, although I prefer if I just stay calm.
PUT THAT SMILE BACK:
Well, this is the next step to heading towards the old me. I clearly remember one of the teachers in my old school said something about that I'm always happy and smiling. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't smile at old school, except for once or twice when I got pissed at some point with my friends - something which I want to deliberately forget. I shall not only do this at school but also at home. If there are problems, just try to settle it calmly.
APPRECIATE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WORTHY:
Listen, I've felt really bad when I realised I just focus on people who I consider to be my best buds with everything. I may indeed would do everything for them, but I feel like I'm neglecting my duties as a friend to other people. I may not be superwoman who can help everyone at everything, but I should show some appreciation to people who had been there for me at all times. I feel like I've been a total snob to them or something. It's painful to see.
LIVE LIFE:
V was right. I should enjoy life as I can because when I grow older, it'll all turn serious and crap. You know what? I want to do it the right way though. Who said that I can't enjoy while doing my work at school? I want to be successful when I grow up and travel around the world. I don't want to regret. You could say I'm a geek who's always out and about for fun. I know there are limits, but who the heck cares? I'm not that stupid to overpass them. I have a life you know...
BUT JUST LEAVE THAT BIT OF ME:
There's just one thing I should leave though - being protective. Not too overprotective though. I won't stop or keep bugging people to do something if they don't want to, although I'm still going to be looking out for them, even if they like it or not. We have to bear in mind that there are always times when things may not go right. There are also times when some seriousness shall be put through. The thing is, I just don't want the day when I see someone familiar in the local newspaper in some sort of trouble. I don't want to go there, but I've delivered my point...
That's it for now I guess. It's almost 2:30 am, and I have a feeling that my dear mother will kill me and forbid me to go tomorrow to V's place if she pushes it through if i veer off too much from the limit. Wish me luck. I shall be back to the old me by this week.
PS: I'm totally a sucker for this new teleserye in TFC - Dahil May Isang Ikaw. It's just bloody sweet, and I would do anything just to have someone like Miguel in my life. It's kind of stupid that Angel and Miguel didn't recognise how each other looked when they grew up though. There should be some familiarity at least. Oh well, it's still really good. I can't wait for it next week.
Kambal Sa Uma is also getting interesting. Venus/Ella finally forgave Vira after she saved her from getting killed. Celeste, after finding out what happened, would surely want to kill Vira. Dino had finally regretted the fact that he didn't believe Vira the first time; now, they're back together which was very sweet. Gab, on the other hand, is pissing me off because it was kind of his fault - even though Venus/Ella was the one who break his heart after cancelling their wedding - because he didn't believe Venus/Ella that she didn't kill his father. Gosh. He should have known better.
Anyway, it's like 2:48 am now, and I'm still not close to sleeping. GIT!
... and oh, it was so sweet that my classmates in school missed me. That's one of the reason why I thought about the appreciation thing. I didn't appreciate them enough, I guess.
I'll miss work experience too. I've met some awesome people there, and I suprisingly had lots of fun...
------------
Update @ 12:24 am (of the next day): I just had this 76-minute conversation with V today (she just had $30 Vodafone Credit with 150 minutes of free calls), and she totally agreed about the favour that I was going to ask her. In fact, she suggested it too. I'm absolutely happy she's on my side. It was hilarious how I get to talk to her dear mother too because I didn't notice that it was her at first. LOL!
Anyway, I'm actually doing pretty well with everything - the whole optimistic me. I haven't thought negatively the whole day. Even though V told me about how she might be moving next year, I held myself pretty properly, and she was even surprised I handled it well. I know I may be strong for now, but I'm sure I'm going to fail when I have to say goodbye. I know we're still in the same country - a couple of hours away - but it's just different...
You know, I'm not going to lie, I would love to wish that something wrong may happen to the whole moving plan, but of course, I don't want them to feel sad or anything. I'd rather see them happy, so I shall be happy instead. I don't want to be selfish anymore. If they're happy with that, I should be too. It's hard to accept that, but there's not much to do. At the end, it's their decision. I know I would be deeply crushed inside, but I will try myself to live. I shall. I don't know what to do anymore. Whatever. Didn't I say to be positive? What happens happens. "Everything happens for a reason." ... and that sucks. I just don't want to think about this anymore...
GAH! I don't want to talk much. I have school tomorrow, and it's already 12:35 am. I don't want to die, sleeping in classes again... *sigh*
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Dogged. Abandoned. Alienated.
Murder me. I was planning to write ages ago, and I just didn't find the motivation or time - as always. Well, a lot of stuff has happened while I was gone. I won't name them all because they're pretty confidential. I know I love to pour out my thoughts in this blog, but I am now very careful with whatever I write in this blog. Who knows? The people unfortunately involved in my issues will think I'm mental. It's not like I'm saying I'm not because I think I am...
Anyway, I can't remember much from where I've left off. Luckily, I have this note on my To-do lists on the Organiser category on my crappy phone. It states "Blog. Alcohol. Load crisis. Moving. Missing." Of course, to make my job easier, I'm just going to refer to these since I was meant to anyway...
BLOG:
Alright, I think this is obvious so I'm not even going to bother expanding on this. Duh! This was basically a reminder for me to start writing the blog. Nothing else. Before I move on, I think I just disappointed Virus for writing in this blog. I think she was proud of me when she realised that I wasn't writing much anymore... but hey, I can't help it. There's too much that is in my head, and there are stuff I just want to dump in my blog rather than in my head.
ALCOHOL:
Well, this was not really important, but it was something I would just like to share with the world - I guess. Well, I drank a single bottle of alcohol two days ago - Smirnoff Double Ice or something like that - and the next thing I knew, I was starting to feel itchy. Bloody hell. I knew by then that my allergy came back to attack me. The last time I had it was when I had five consecutive beers when I went clubbing in the Phils last summer. The allergy lasted for about two weeks at least, and it had to ruin my fun when we visited Singapore. Seriously. GIT! I'm still badly itching you know.
LOAD CRISIS:
This is quite hilarious. The thing is, whenever V or me receive some credit, the free calls could barely reach a week. One time, I think it finished by a day or two. There's nothing much to talk about in this topic... Oh yeah, that reminded me of this Flexi caps for Vodafone that I might buy sometime. It's only for $49 or something like that and it has 350 Vodafone to Vodafone free calls and some Flexi credit. Bloody hell. I think it said that it's worth $700 or something. I don't know. My dear mother reckons I could finish before the week finishes though. I kind of agree with her on that... LOL!
MOVING:
Moving... GIT! I don't really want to talk about anything like this. It's just people are moving houses away from me again. Bloody hell. Even we are moving. The thing is, V has a very big possibility of moving two hours away from us. Bloody hell. She plans to go on the same school, but seriously, who would be fudged to travel that far? I don't know. She has been having problems just last week, and I wasn't much help. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe, moving is a good thing for her, so I won't stop her. Bloody hell. I swear, I promise (remember I don't break promises) I will be the saddest person ever if that's the case. I would not know what to do anymore. It's like a repeat of the whole "goodbye, see you, I'll always remember you" incidents that Iencounter most of the times whenever a very close friend leaves. Heck. I may be leaving my house by the end of the year, but I'm not moving that far at all...
WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP LOSING MY BEST BUDS? Seriously, I would trade any material possessions - anything - just to keep a best bud. Call me desperate. I am anyway. Who wouldn't be when you seem to lose everything? GIT! I don't know anymore. I feel like crying now...
MISSING:
I'm not really sure what this whole "missing" thing is about. I think it's because of the work experience thing. I think I was referring to the fact that I will miss my friends, especially V, since I see and talk to her 24/7. I don't know. I think I'm just used to it. The thing is, it's different for her I think...
Anyway, I feel like I may need to elaborate more to expand on this issue. You know, there was this whole issue about a break between us for a while. Don't get me wrong - it's only like a break like get away from each other for a while to not get sick of each other. The thing is, she finally admitted she is getting sick of me. I wasn't surprised, since I think a person on the right mind would totally agree... but I was just wondering why I don't feel the same thing. Sometimes, I just wish I could actually feel the same thing, so I actually don't feel any pain and just totally understand the whole thing - but I can't. GIT! I don't know. It just hurts a lot, and I don't think she understands even now, even after we talked. There's just stuff I can't explain or say properly. The thing is, I'm very cautious to not say anything misleading because both of us made a vow sometime last week. If we break it, our friendship is over...
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that she dogged me. Abandoned was a better suited term... Alienated. Well, she left me I guess to die in the library while she hung out with other friends. You know, the thing is, I never had a friend done that to me before - at least I can't remember, and it just left me with my mouth wide open. I don't know. I felt this piercing in my heart, and I just stormed off into the fields and wept and wrote some stuff that I didn't remember. Even though I eventually forgave her the next day after she told me the reason why she did that, I could still feel the pain until now. Fresh. Painful. Crap. I just wished that she told me earlier to lessen the pain. At least, I knew why she would rather get away from me...
That's when we decided with the break. I actually wanted to work with her at Big W then before she proclaimed the whole "I'm getting sick of you. We need to have some time away from each other..." They're not the exact words, but they are the words that were tattoed in my head. Well, I decided to not go MSN at all but failed in doing so. I couldn't help but get tempted. I ended up wasting my dear parent's credit, texting her nonsensical stuff and all those crap. Bloody hell...
Today, I kind of killed it though. She eventually started talking to me in MSN and I was happy of course. Without my knowledge, V, Mini-Virus and Slexy had actually planned for us to go swimming on Saturday. Even though I was excited, I knew I had to say no. GIT! The break was meant to go for a week, and Saturday is so not the end of the week. Listen man, I'm just taking precautions. I don't want to get abandoned again. Simple as that. I feel like the cycle goes like: "I miss you", "YAY! I'm with you", "GIT! Could I hang out over there for now? You could go to the library and do your bloody work", "See you in two weeks then". Bloody hell. I just don't want this to happen again. To be honest, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right anymore...
Screw this. I'm just going to do my work experience in Coles tomorrow and focus on that. It's already 2:25 am, and I'm sure I'll be dead tomorrow... I swear, I feel like I'm going to have a nosebleed... LOL!
Before I forget, to set the record, I think today will be the first day that I won't get to talk to V. My problem. My fault. My cause. *sigh*
PS: V, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being stupid, selfish and foolish. I'm the worst buddy you could ever have, and I apologise deeply for that. I know you're sick of this line, but you have to admit that I'm right. I hope you know that most of my "stupidity" that pisses you off usually are stuff that I initially thought will make you have a better life. Sorry man, I'm only human, a very stupid, flawed one.
Anyway, I can't remember much from where I've left off. Luckily, I have this note on my To-do lists on the Organiser category on my crappy phone. It states "Blog. Alcohol. Load crisis. Moving. Missing." Of course, to make my job easier, I'm just going to refer to these since I was meant to anyway...
------------
BLOG:
Alright, I think this is obvious so I'm not even going to bother expanding on this. Duh! This was basically a reminder for me to start writing the blog. Nothing else. Before I move on, I think I just disappointed Virus for writing in this blog. I think she was proud of me when she realised that I wasn't writing much anymore... but hey, I can't help it. There's too much that is in my head, and there are stuff I just want to dump in my blog rather than in my head.
ALCOHOL:
Well, this was not really important, but it was something I would just like to share with the world - I guess. Well, I drank a single bottle of alcohol two days ago - Smirnoff Double Ice or something like that - and the next thing I knew, I was starting to feel itchy. Bloody hell. I knew by then that my allergy came back to attack me. The last time I had it was when I had five consecutive beers when I went clubbing in the Phils last summer. The allergy lasted for about two weeks at least, and it had to ruin my fun when we visited Singapore. Seriously. GIT! I'm still badly itching you know.
LOAD CRISIS:
This is quite hilarious. The thing is, whenever V or me receive some credit, the free calls could barely reach a week. One time, I think it finished by a day or two. There's nothing much to talk about in this topic... Oh yeah, that reminded me of this Flexi caps for Vodafone that I might buy sometime. It's only for $49 or something like that and it has 350 Vodafone to Vodafone free calls and some Flexi credit. Bloody hell. I think it said that it's worth $700 or something. I don't know. My dear mother reckons I could finish before the week finishes though. I kind of agree with her on that... LOL!
MOVING:
Moving... GIT! I don't really want to talk about anything like this. It's just people are moving houses away from me again. Bloody hell. Even we are moving. The thing is, V has a very big possibility of moving two hours away from us. Bloody hell. She plans to go on the same school, but seriously, who would be fudged to travel that far? I don't know. She has been having problems just last week, and I wasn't much help. I feel like I'm a burden. Maybe, moving is a good thing for her, so I won't stop her. Bloody hell. I swear, I promise (remember I don't break promises) I will be the saddest person ever if that's the case. I would not know what to do anymore. It's like a repeat of the whole "goodbye, see you, I'll always remember you" incidents that Iencounter most of the times whenever a very close friend leaves. Heck. I may be leaving my house by the end of the year, but I'm not moving that far at all...
WHY IN THE WORLD DO I KEEP LOSING MY BEST BUDS? Seriously, I would trade any material possessions - anything - just to keep a best bud. Call me desperate. I am anyway. Who wouldn't be when you seem to lose everything? GIT! I don't know anymore. I feel like crying now...
MISSING:
I'm not really sure what this whole "missing" thing is about. I think it's because of the work experience thing. I think I was referring to the fact that I will miss my friends, especially V, since I see and talk to her 24/7. I don't know. I think I'm just used to it. The thing is, it's different for her I think...
------------
Anyway, I feel like I may need to elaborate more to expand on this issue. You know, there was this whole issue about a break between us for a while. Don't get me wrong - it's only like a break like get away from each other for a while to not get sick of each other. The thing is, she finally admitted she is getting sick of me. I wasn't surprised, since I think a person on the right mind would totally agree... but I was just wondering why I don't feel the same thing. Sometimes, I just wish I could actually feel the same thing, so I actually don't feel any pain and just totally understand the whole thing - but I can't. GIT! I don't know. It just hurts a lot, and I don't think she understands even now, even after we talked. There's just stuff I can't explain or say properly. The thing is, I'm very cautious to not say anything misleading because both of us made a vow sometime last week. If we break it, our friendship is over...
The thing that hurt the most was the fact that she dogged me. Abandoned was a better suited term... Alienated. Well, she left me I guess to die in the library while she hung out with other friends. You know, the thing is, I never had a friend done that to me before - at least I can't remember, and it just left me with my mouth wide open. I don't know. I felt this piercing in my heart, and I just stormed off into the fields and wept and wrote some stuff that I didn't remember. Even though I eventually forgave her the next day after she told me the reason why she did that, I could still feel the pain until now. Fresh. Painful. Crap. I just wished that she told me earlier to lessen the pain. At least, I knew why she would rather get away from me...
That's when we decided with the break. I actually wanted to work with her at Big W then before she proclaimed the whole "I'm getting sick of you. We need to have some time away from each other..." They're not the exact words, but they are the words that were tattoed in my head. Well, I decided to not go MSN at all but failed in doing so. I couldn't help but get tempted. I ended up wasting my dear parent's credit, texting her nonsensical stuff and all those crap. Bloody hell...
Today, I kind of killed it though. She eventually started talking to me in MSN and I was happy of course. Without my knowledge, V, Mini-Virus and Slexy had actually planned for us to go swimming on Saturday. Even though I was excited, I knew I had to say no. GIT! The break was meant to go for a week, and Saturday is so not the end of the week. Listen man, I'm just taking precautions. I don't want to get abandoned again. Simple as that. I feel like the cycle goes like: "I miss you", "YAY! I'm with you", "GIT! Could I hang out over there for now? You could go to the library and do your bloody work", "See you in two weeks then". Bloody hell. I just don't want this to happen again. To be honest, I have no clue what to do anymore. I feel like I'm just not doing anything right anymore...
Screw this. I'm just going to do my work experience in Coles tomorrow and focus on that. It's already 2:25 am, and I'm sure I'll be dead tomorrow... I swear, I feel like I'm going to have a nosebleed... LOL!
Before I forget, to set the record, I think today will be the first day that I won't get to talk to V. My problem. My fault. My cause. *sigh*
PS: V, if you ever get to read this, I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for being stupid, selfish and foolish. I'm the worst buddy you could ever have, and I apologise deeply for that. I know you're sick of this line, but you have to admit that I'm right. I hope you know that most of my "stupidity" that pisses you off usually are stuff that I initially thought will make you have a better life. Sorry man, I'm only human, a very stupid, flawed one.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Ready to Fail My History Test
Alright, I bet that most of you are probably overdelighted that I haven't posted quite a while, especially those repetitive occurrences. Anyway, not much interesting thing happened for this week. I can't remember much really. All I could actually remember is that I had lost all my Vodafone to Vodafone free calls yesterday, as well as depleting most of my credit too. Now, I only have like $5. It was very worth it because I get to talk for Virus for almost 29 minutes and it was quite cool. It made me quite happy because I was quite darned sick yesterday. I spent the rest of my 50 minute free calls with her last time too, and it was still worth it as always. I feel sorry for her though because she has to deal with me every day and night. I'm such a good friend, eh? *sarcasm*
Well now, I'm actually stuck at my auntie's for now. I was kind of frustrated that I didn't get to go to this movie night at V's place where Slexy and Tazzie were supposed to come. Instead, I had to go to this kid's party in Penrith where it's the birthday of my auntie's best bud's son. I did have fun in a way, especially getting my face painted as a skeleton. Too bad, it didn't end up as it should have. The fact that made me delighted was the fact that when I came to drop by at V's to say hi, everyone seemed all in a good mood. That made me feel the same too even though I didn't get to see the others because they left early because they were busy, I guess. Too bad, I wasn't allowed to stay to watch a movie with V and Mini-Virus...
It's this stupid test in History about the Vietnam War... I haven't studied whenever I have the chance. Oh well, I loved how I spent my time anyway. I have no regrets. Anyway, I would have to start now. I have a feeling that I will get distracted with Guitar Hero though. I'm dead. Bloody hell. GIT!
PS: I need to seriously save up for MV's birthday. It's in 5 days, darn it!
Well now, I'm actually stuck at my auntie's for now. I was kind of frustrated that I didn't get to go to this movie night at V's place where Slexy and Tazzie were supposed to come. Instead, I had to go to this kid's party in Penrith where it's the birthday of my auntie's best bud's son. I did have fun in a way, especially getting my face painted as a skeleton. Too bad, it didn't end up as it should have. The fact that made me delighted was the fact that when I came to drop by at V's to say hi, everyone seemed all in a good mood. That made me feel the same too even though I didn't get to see the others because they left early because they were busy, I guess. Too bad, I wasn't allowed to stay to watch a movie with V and Mini-Virus...
It's this stupid test in History about the Vietnam War... I haven't studied whenever I have the chance. Oh well, I loved how I spent my time anyway. I have no regrets. Anyway, I would have to start now. I have a feeling that I will get distracted with Guitar Hero though. I'm dead. Bloody hell. GIT!
PS: I need to seriously save up for MV's birthday. It's in 5 days, darn it!
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Hopes And Devastations
Alright, all I could say is that I'm actually pretty happy right now. Everything is going smoothly... well not everything. There's some few stuff here and there that I consider very bad and depressing...
The thing with Virus and I had been long fixed as soon as the next day I guess. I wouldn't say we were perfectly fine, but we were alright. I feel really bad that she was the one who actually came to the library at lunch to apologise. I did give her a hug though, while she decided not to talk to me yet, but we were cool by then. I missed her a lot by then anyway. It was just hard not talking to her like that. She eventually told me to fix how I deal with stuff and all, and so I did try without her knowledge. I failed again the next day though, but it was only momentarily. The day went fine, and everything went normal again...
Then, Multicultural Day came. I came to school early because I offered to help V with making little flags for her cultural group. I also decided not to wear glasses because I kind of promised Slexy that I won't. The day was awesome - I guess - and it was fun. It was all the same, except that I almost got in trouble again. My 4:48 pm bus came really late, and my dear mother thought I was lying about it. Later, she did get to check eventually. I got really scared because I thought that my curfew from being grounded will be deteriorated to 4:00 pm. I couldn't stand that, of course... Anyway, later that afternoon, I came to the suggestion with V that she could sleepover and play Guitar Hero again the next day because there is this family party...
Bloody hell. I swear I could say it was one of the most stressful days of my life, worse than school. I know that my dear father would not allow me to sleepover there again, because I promised last time. Secondly, I don't know if V was allowed, so I was basically going crazy. Thirdly, I know that the party was a family one, so I didn't really know if my auntie would permit me. When I got to ask her yesterday, I had to waste 15 minutes of her life and then let my sister ask for me and V. LOL! It should have been not that hard. Like seriously. She said yes like heck.
But guess what? I didn't expect for everything to fall into place fast. The next thing I know, my dear father was the one who suggested to sleep at my auntie's place while he said no not long ago. Not long after, V was allowed to sleepover too, although she did scare me to an almost death when she said her dear father didn't allow her... at first...
I also got to my meet my sister's best bud on the process when my auntie decided to invite my sister's friends as well. She's one shy person though, and I should say she is exactly like my sister. It was hilarious in a way when I found out it was actually her first time to go out of her place, and that she was bloody nervous and all. Anyway, I was kind of disappointment when my sister's other friend couldn't come because he's one funny guy. I've only met him through MSN, and I wanted to meet him in person...
Anyway, V came at about 7 pm yesterday, and we immediately went to Guitar Hero mode until the other guests wanted to watch some shows from TFC. V and I ended up playing pool and Guitar Hero after until 12 midnight when we both started to feel the attack of sleepiness. Oh before that, I also found out that V might move away 2 hours away from Fairfield which really killed me inside. I don't think she'll ever know how I felt at that point, but she kept telling me that she was still going to go to the same school and that it was still far away anyway. GIT! Still, it's something I don't look forward to, the only thing that really put me into depression the whole time. Because of this whole depressing issue, I ended up taking pictures of her every single minute which of course pissed her off big time... LOL!
Anyway, I was meant to sleep on the floor because my little cousin's bed is a small single-sized bed, but for some reason, I ended up sleeping with her on the bed, squishing her most of the times. I did have fun on the process though. I just hope she was a little comfortable at least. I know a single-sized bed is meant for one person only, and it was cool that both of us actually fitted just fine there. I feel sorry for her because she replaced the job of the teddy bears that she gave me with me hugging her at least 96% of the time. We woke up somewhere at 5 am, went back to sleep, and then again at 12 noon. From then, we didn't really do much I guess. Until the time she had to go home at 5:30 pm or so, we were stuck on our bed 75% of the time, mainly resting. The only time when we both got up was when we had to eat lunch - nachos - and then we went back again. We also played some pool for an hour before she had to get picked up. I'm sure she wanted to go home because I think I bored her badly, and that I think she regretted the fact that she came because her family went to Bondi Beach. I should say I did have fun though, and that I hope she did too even just for a little...
That's all really. I went to church at 6:30 pm and went back at 7:30 pm. I have no sign of V or Tazzie online, so I'm pretty much bored at the moment. Oh well, I can't wait for school tomorrow... WEE!
PS: GIT! I think another of my dreams came true again. That fact is quite creepy, but I'm not complaining at all. Darn, I have a feeling I might dream of it today again, aggressively worse.
The thing with Virus and I had been long fixed as soon as the next day I guess. I wouldn't say we were perfectly fine, but we were alright. I feel really bad that she was the one who actually came to the library at lunch to apologise. I did give her a hug though, while she decided not to talk to me yet, but we were cool by then. I missed her a lot by then anyway. It was just hard not talking to her like that. She eventually told me to fix how I deal with stuff and all, and so I did try without her knowledge. I failed again the next day though, but it was only momentarily. The day went fine, and everything went normal again...
Then, Multicultural Day came. I came to school early because I offered to help V with making little flags for her cultural group. I also decided not to wear glasses because I kind of promised Slexy that I won't. The day was awesome - I guess - and it was fun. It was all the same, except that I almost got in trouble again. My 4:48 pm bus came really late, and my dear mother thought I was lying about it. Later, she did get to check eventually. I got really scared because I thought that my curfew from being grounded will be deteriorated to 4:00 pm. I couldn't stand that, of course... Anyway, later that afternoon, I came to the suggestion with V that she could sleepover and play Guitar Hero again the next day because there is this family party...
Ding, Git and Tush @ Multicultural Day
Bloody hell. I swear I could say it was one of the most stressful days of my life, worse than school. I know that my dear father would not allow me to sleepover there again, because I promised last time. Secondly, I don't know if V was allowed, so I was basically going crazy. Thirdly, I know that the party was a family one, so I didn't really know if my auntie would permit me. When I got to ask her yesterday, I had to waste 15 minutes of her life and then let my sister ask for me and V. LOL! It should have been not that hard. Like seriously. She said yes like heck.
But guess what? I didn't expect for everything to fall into place fast. The next thing I know, my dear father was the one who suggested to sleep at my auntie's place while he said no not long ago. Not long after, V was allowed to sleepover too, although she did scare me to an almost death when she said her dear father didn't allow her... at first...
I also got to my meet my sister's best bud on the process when my auntie decided to invite my sister's friends as well. She's one shy person though, and I should say she is exactly like my sister. It was hilarious in a way when I found out it was actually her first time to go out of her place, and that she was bloody nervous and all. Anyway, I was kind of disappointment when my sister's other friend couldn't come because he's one funny guy. I've only met him through MSN, and I wanted to meet him in person...
Anyway, V came at about 7 pm yesterday, and we immediately went to Guitar Hero mode until the other guests wanted to watch some shows from TFC. V and I ended up playing pool and Guitar Hero after until 12 midnight when we both started to feel the attack of sleepiness. Oh before that, I also found out that V might move away 2 hours away from Fairfield which really killed me inside. I don't think she'll ever know how I felt at that point, but she kept telling me that she was still going to go to the same school and that it was still far away anyway. GIT! Still, it's something I don't look forward to, the only thing that really put me into depression the whole time. Because of this whole depressing issue, I ended up taking pictures of her every single minute which of course pissed her off big time... LOL!
Anyway, I was meant to sleep on the floor because my little cousin's bed is a small single-sized bed, but for some reason, I ended up sleeping with her on the bed, squishing her most of the times. I did have fun on the process though. I just hope she was a little comfortable at least. I know a single-sized bed is meant for one person only, and it was cool that both of us actually fitted just fine there. I feel sorry for her because she replaced the job of the teddy bears that she gave me with me hugging her at least 96% of the time. We woke up somewhere at 5 am, went back to sleep, and then again at 12 noon. From then, we didn't really do much I guess. Until the time she had to go home at 5:30 pm or so, we were stuck on our bed 75% of the time, mainly resting. The only time when we both got up was when we had to eat lunch - nachos - and then we went back again. We also played some pool for an hour before she had to get picked up. I'm sure she wanted to go home because I think I bored her badly, and that I think she regretted the fact that she came because her family went to Bondi Beach. I should say I did have fun though, and that I hope she did too even just for a little...
That's all really. I went to church at 6:30 pm and went back at 7:30 pm. I have no sign of V or Tazzie online, so I'm pretty much bored at the moment. Oh well, I can't wait for school tomorrow... WEE!
PS: GIT! I think another of my dreams came true again. That fact is quite creepy, but I'm not complaining at all. Darn, I have a feeling I might dream of it today again, aggressively worse.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Why Can't I Just Do the Right Thing Once?
Alright, I know I may have said I'm not going to make those recap for the day again, but this time, I swear it's different. It's like the first few days of the month, and my life could only get worse as days pass by. I could not blame anyone though; it's always my fault as usual. I don't know anymore. I know I always say this, but I can't help it, can I? I'm just some stupid piece of crap who does nothing but think of herself and ruin other people's life on the process...
Anyway, my afternoon didn't really end up as I thought it would be. There was no McDonalds and I went home earlier than usual. I'm not really sure what happened, but it was my fault. All I know is that Virus won't probably talk to me tomorrow or the next day or the upcoming days, and I don't know what else is worse than that. Well, I was not in a good mood that afternoon for some reason, and the next thing I knew, I'm affecting people around me. Well, I recall V saying something that if I'm all pissed and down or something, I'm making them feel bad or sad or something that I didn't hear properly. That was it really. The next thing I knew, I told them to find someone who is not like me or something like that. I walked off. I wanted to walk back and say sorry, but I didn't because I was stupid. Instead, I wanted to go to my cousin's school to see if my auntie was there. I felt really bad by then, so I wanted to talk to her. To make how I felt worse, I clashed with V and her sister, and we totally just ignored each other. Ouch. I had to look at them of course, but through my peripheral vision. I could tell they want nothing to do with me, so I knew my life was over by then...
I had to sit down on this bench and calm myself before I could actually collapse. I felt like I was; my whole body was shaking while I started to feel a little woozy. I successfully calmed myself down and decided to move on even just for that time. Going home wasn't easy. Every second that passed just worsened how I felt... even now. I even lost all my money in Texas HoldEm Poker from Facebook because my mind is so dead. I even forgot that I got 17 out of 20 for Section Two: Writing of my English Half-Yearly exam where the marker thought I actually used awesome words and all, although I sucked at my sentences. Who could blame me since I was pressured to the max? Oh well, I was proud of myself anyway...
Anyway, I'm going to stop now. My head is painfully throbbing, and I just need to think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. Maybe, I'll stay in the Library just like before. Murder me in my dreams, please. Crying this out won't help anymore; I've just tried that. I'll just accept the fact that my life has officially gone away... GIT!
Anyway, my afternoon didn't really end up as I thought it would be. There was no McDonalds and I went home earlier than usual. I'm not really sure what happened, but it was my fault. All I know is that Virus won't probably talk to me tomorrow or the next day or the upcoming days, and I don't know what else is worse than that. Well, I was not in a good mood that afternoon for some reason, and the next thing I knew, I'm affecting people around me. Well, I recall V saying something that if I'm all pissed and down or something, I'm making them feel bad or sad or something that I didn't hear properly. That was it really. The next thing I knew, I told them to find someone who is not like me or something like that. I walked off. I wanted to walk back and say sorry, but I didn't because I was stupid. Instead, I wanted to go to my cousin's school to see if my auntie was there. I felt really bad by then, so I wanted to talk to her. To make how I felt worse, I clashed with V and her sister, and we totally just ignored each other. Ouch. I had to look at them of course, but through my peripheral vision. I could tell they want nothing to do with me, so I knew my life was over by then...
I had to sit down on this bench and calm myself before I could actually collapse. I felt like I was; my whole body was shaking while I started to feel a little woozy. I successfully calmed myself down and decided to move on even just for that time. Going home wasn't easy. Every second that passed just worsened how I felt... even now. I even lost all my money in Texas HoldEm Poker from Facebook because my mind is so dead. I even forgot that I got 17 out of 20 for Section Two: Writing of my English Half-Yearly exam where the marker thought I actually used awesome words and all, although I sucked at my sentences. Who could blame me since I was pressured to the max? Oh well, I was proud of myself anyway...
Anyway, I'm going to stop now. My head is painfully throbbing, and I just need to think about what I'm going to do tomorrow. Maybe, I'll stay in the Library just like before. Murder me in my dreams, please. Crying this out won't help anymore; I've just tried that. I'll just accept the fact that my life has officially gone away... GIT!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Finding My Way Is the Worst Part
Alright, I know it's kind of weird that I haven't been writing on this thing for a while, but can you blame me if I don't want to bore you guys to death again with my repetitive routine in school days - wake up, school, McDonalds, train station or Virus' place, go home, stay on the Internet, pretend to sleep, sneak in and go Facebook, sleep.... and then the cycle repeats again. The only different thing that probably occurred in the past days that I haven't updated was the fact that I actually got to stay in the Library for three days without seeing my buddies. I actually did get to see Slexy though because she had to do her Geography assignment anyway. It wasn't easy for me personally, but I think V enjoyed the times I wasn't there. She might deny that fact, whatever. I also got to sleepover my auntie's place with V alone, since S couldn't come because she had to babysit her brother. Anyway, I think I absolutely bored her both the days, but I would have to say she got very addicted to Guitar Hero. Last Saturday, she planned to go home at 1 pm, but we ended up playing pool in which I luckily won where I won two games (one game was won when V shot the eight ball in) while V won one. After that, we just played Guitar Hero the whole time - from 3:30 pm until 10:30 pm in the evening. I'll tell you now though, I played until 12:30 midnight... Crazy, eh?
Anyway, that's not the case. I just wanted to get out some stuff off my head now, but it's not working properly. I don't know anymore. I'm just going to have a break for now. It's currently 8:32 pm now, and I have like less than an hour to shower before my curfew...
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Update @ 4:26 pm (the next day): Well, I am not going to continue this anymore. There are far more worse things that just talk about yesterday... Seriously.
Anyway, that's not the case. I just wanted to get out some stuff off my head now, but it's not working properly. I don't know anymore. I'm just going to have a break for now. It's currently 8:32 pm now, and I have like less than an hour to shower before my curfew...
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Update @ 4:26 pm (the next day): Well, I am not going to continue this anymore. There are far more worse things that just talk about yesterday... Seriously.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
What a Depressing Day to Start a New Term...
Well, before I even begin this entry. I would just like to notify that it was only the first part of my school time that was depressing - not the whole day. It was just the first part of the morning, we had to go to these food stall group for our Multicultural Day next week which almost bored me to death. The fact that I was still depressed about the whole grounded thing and that it worried and perhaps annoyed Virus in a way. This resulted for me to decide to stay in the library both Recess and Lunch. I didn't want to leave her of course, but I felt like it was best for her to stay away from me at this time because I know she hates it when I'm like this. I made sure she was with someone of course. I can't just leave her like that; I'm not like that...
Well, luckily, I get to spend time with Mini-Virus the most of Lunch, and that's when I started to feel a lot better. I realised that all I needed was someone to talk to. The thing is, V had been dealing with stuff with other people, so I couldn't really get to talk to her. I couldn't explain how I felt a lot better after getting to tell her everything. Well, I trust her as much as I probably trust her sister, so I was pretty much comfortable with telling her whatever was on my head. In the last subject, History, I also won a Mars bar from answering a question which was cool I guess. Everything went smoothly after school. We went McDonalds as usual, walked them somewhere close to their place and then took the 4:48 pm bus...
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Sorry about the intrusion again. I had to turn off the computer because my new curfew is at 9 pm. It's currently 4:53 pm at the moment, so you could say I'm really late...
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Well, luckily, I get to spend time with Mini-Virus the most of Lunch, and that's when I started to feel a lot better. I realised that all I needed was someone to talk to. The thing is, V had been dealing with stuff with other people, so I couldn't really get to talk to her. I couldn't explain how I felt a lot better after getting to tell her everything. Well, I trust her as much as I probably trust her sister, so I was pretty much comfortable with telling her whatever was on my head. In the last subject, History, I also won a Mars bar from answering a question which was cool I guess. Everything went smoothly after school. We went McDonalds as usual, walked them somewhere close to their place and then took the 4:48 pm bus...
Sorry about the intrusion again. I had to turn off the computer because my new curfew is at 9 pm. It's currently 4:53 pm at the moment, so you could say I'm really late...
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... That was my mistake. I got home at about a few minutes passed 5 pm and I knew by then that I was in trouble again. My dear father told my mother, so he snitched on me. I was pissed of course, so I continued on my hunger strike and not-going-out-of-the-room scheme. I got to talk to V which was awesome, but I don't think it was any productive because I think we didn't even get to talk properly. LOL!
Besides that, I got addicted to Texas HoldEm Poker while I'm starting to drift away from Mafia Wars in Facebook. I was really good at first, and then I started to lose all my money. Oh well, after losing everything, I got to talk to MV for a while until she had to go because V wants to use the Internet. We didn't get to talk again properly because I think she was busy and all. The fact all she did was ask me this Maths question and didn't even answer my simple interrogation properly just made me go lose it in my head, so I went off MSN as soon as it was 9 pm and let all my aggravation with everything on writing...
But it was really surprising when it was about 10:30 pb or something, my father shocked me by giving me back my phone and my IPod back! GIT! I swear I was so happy that I immediately texted V about the whole incident. A few minutes later, unexpectedly, she texted me if she could call me urgently. Of course, I was going to reply to her, but before I could, she already called me. As I've expected, she called me just for the sake of calling. LOL! It was kind of hilarious because I was hypo the whole time. We ended up talking for almost 15 minutes until I decided to go to sleep. She did text me once more after that about something else somewhere at 11:45 pm, but that was it. I texted her once more and told her to rest her clouded mind and get ready for tomorrow... I didn't get to sleep until 1 am though... LOL!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Now, I've Done It!
If you have predicted that I got in trouble because you've noticed that I haven't posted for a short while, you're right. Well, bloody hell, I'm not going to make this long because I am forbidden to go to the Internet...
Well, what happened yesterday was that everyone, except me, bailed on the party that Virus made. It really pissed her off, and I couldn't really blame her. If I was her, I could have reacted worse. I ended up coming at 5 pm, just to make her feel a little better, but I kind of failed in the sense that I knew I was boring her in some way. On the contrary, it was very cool meeting V's brother. He was absolutely funny! We did eventually have fun (well at least I did) at the end before my dear mother had to interrupt when she called V's phone.
... Bloody hell. This is when all the trouble started for me. I don't know how it all started, but all I know is that my dear mother was furious about the fact that I didn't stick up for my word about going home at 9 pm. The thing is, she said something about "do you want to sleep there, instead?" and I said "yes" - of course - because I would love to anyway. V's dear mother already permitted me anyway. Well, it made my mother more furious. By then, V agreed on the fact that I should go home because she knows that I will get in trouble if I won't. The problem was that her dear mother had just started talking with V's brother online, so no one can bring me home by then, until V's father saved me. I really feel bad that I keep giving them too much problems. Heck.
As soon as V and her dad left, my mother gave me this sermon which lasted for an hour, repeating the same stuff about being irresponsible and not finishing my work. I swear, I was trying so hard to keep it down until she decided to ground me again. Bloody hell. Seriously, can't they do anything else but ground me? I feel like she's getting out all her anger and stress on me. She keeps saying how I've changed and all, but the thing is, she's wrong. I was like this before I even came to Australia - maybe even worse! I usually go home from school at about 5 pm, meet up with my buddy, go biking until 8 pm, go home again, do whatever online until 12 am, do homework until 2 am (or sometimes longer) and wake up at 5:30 am. Bloody hell. Is that my fault if she wasn't there at that point of my life? Seriously, she should consider facts first before she start throwing jibes at me. Like seriously.
Then, worse things happened. I'm not even going to mention them. I got my phone confiscated from me, as well as my IPod. I'm also banned from MSN and a lot more other stuff. GIT! You know, sometimes I wish they could just shut up. Seriously, they think they know everything and all - that they know what's right. Bloody hell, I know they're usually right, but now, they are just making assumptions. For example, they assumed that I failed most of my stuff in school when I passed the whole thing with an award!
You know what? I'm sick of this. This is the first time I'm going to play their game. I don't care if I'll get sick or die or whatever anymore. To tell you now, I haven't eating anything yesterday for the whole day. Well, I did get to eat something late at night when I sneaked for food - cereals. It was enough for me for a day, but I'm starting to feel really weak. The fact that I have double Sports today will be a challenge. The only thing that I could consider as a good distraction was the fact I got to talk to Mini-Virus and then V. Bloody hell. I swear, I could have gone crazy with all the work yesterday, being secluded in my small bedroom. LOL! That just reminded me of how desperate I was just to have my phone for the last time, so I will be able to text V and say sorry that I couldn't go online because I was in trouble. Oh well, what could I do? Hopefully, this whole thing don't last.
I'll be off for now. I'm just not in the mood to face my mother anymore. This is just an abomination. Too much. I'm not going to tolerate this in some way. If she decides not to talk to me at all, I'll live with that. It's not like I couldn't last. It's her fault that I'm viewing things with her in a very different perspective now. It's her fault...
Well, what happened yesterday was that everyone, except me, bailed on the party that Virus made. It really pissed her off, and I couldn't really blame her. If I was her, I could have reacted worse. I ended up coming at 5 pm, just to make her feel a little better, but I kind of failed in the sense that I knew I was boring her in some way. On the contrary, it was very cool meeting V's brother. He was absolutely funny! We did eventually have fun (well at least I did) at the end before my dear mother had to interrupt when she called V's phone.
... Bloody hell. This is when all the trouble started for me. I don't know how it all started, but all I know is that my dear mother was furious about the fact that I didn't stick up for my word about going home at 9 pm. The thing is, she said something about "do you want to sleep there, instead?" and I said "yes" - of course - because I would love to anyway. V's dear mother already permitted me anyway. Well, it made my mother more furious. By then, V agreed on the fact that I should go home because she knows that I will get in trouble if I won't. The problem was that her dear mother had just started talking with V's brother online, so no one can bring me home by then, until V's father saved me. I really feel bad that I keep giving them too much problems. Heck.
As soon as V and her dad left, my mother gave me this sermon which lasted for an hour, repeating the same stuff about being irresponsible and not finishing my work. I swear, I was trying so hard to keep it down until she decided to ground me again. Bloody hell. Seriously, can't they do anything else but ground me? I feel like she's getting out all her anger and stress on me. She keeps saying how I've changed and all, but the thing is, she's wrong. I was like this before I even came to Australia - maybe even worse! I usually go home from school at about 5 pm, meet up with my buddy, go biking until 8 pm, go home again, do whatever online until 12 am, do homework until 2 am (or sometimes longer) and wake up at 5:30 am. Bloody hell. Is that my fault if she wasn't there at that point of my life? Seriously, she should consider facts first before she start throwing jibes at me. Like seriously.
Then, worse things happened. I'm not even going to mention them. I got my phone confiscated from me, as well as my IPod. I'm also banned from MSN and a lot more other stuff. GIT! You know, sometimes I wish they could just shut up. Seriously, they think they know everything and all - that they know what's right. Bloody hell, I know they're usually right, but now, they are just making assumptions. For example, they assumed that I failed most of my stuff in school when I passed the whole thing with an award!
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Pardon me, my dear mother had to stop me writing on the computer because my curfew went down to 9 pm. Nice eh? GIT! I'm just really annoyed now; I have reasons. Before, I tried my best to not get annoyed, but this time, it's just over the line. I'm losing everything for no reasonable reason! What the heck is this all about? Bloody hell. This is just too much for me now...
It's currently 6:45 am, and I woke up at about 5:30 pm. I don't think I've slept for eight hours, although I think I'm close to that because I don't feel sleepy at all. Anyway, I have to hasten this up before I have to get ready for school.
Oh before I move on, a random fact: I had this weird dream when I kissed this guy who I don't even have a clue as to who it is. It's kind of hilarious now because I actually got to kiss my sister on the lips the day before. LOL! I dared her to do it, and I didn't think she would anyway. I was surprised when she did that I started laughing in this very weird manner. ROFL!
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You know what? I'm sick of this. This is the first time I'm going to play their game. I don't care if I'll get sick or die or whatever anymore. To tell you now, I haven't eating anything yesterday for the whole day. Well, I did get to eat something late at night when I sneaked for food - cereals. It was enough for me for a day, but I'm starting to feel really weak. The fact that I have double Sports today will be a challenge. The only thing that I could consider as a good distraction was the fact I got to talk to Mini-Virus and then V. Bloody hell. I swear, I could have gone crazy with all the work yesterday, being secluded in my small bedroom. LOL! That just reminded me of how desperate I was just to have my phone for the last time, so I will be able to text V and say sorry that I couldn't go online because I was in trouble. Oh well, what could I do? Hopefully, this whole thing don't last.
I'll be off for now. I'm just not in the mood to face my mother anymore. This is just an abomination. Too much. I'm not going to tolerate this in some way. If she decides not to talk to me at all, I'll live with that. It's not like I couldn't last. It's her fault that I'm viewing things with her in a very different perspective now. It's her fault...
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Procrastinating to Party
Alright, I know I didn't bother posting anything yesterday, but it's not really my fault. Plus, there is nothing you call interesting that happened anyway. The only hilarious thing was that Virus and I finished our Vodafone-to-Vodafone free calls which was like 150 minutes for her and 60 minutes for me. LOL! She still ended up wasting her credit at 1 am today when she wanted to know if her number was showing on private. Another thing is that we have the party today, and if I can't finish my English stuff, I wouldn't be permitted... so I'm actually rushing it. I actually got to finish four out of six texts, even after getting distracted with talking to V from 8 pm to 12 midnight (which is also the time when I had to close the computer).
Now, it's probably pretty obvious of what I am doing now... my work of course. I'll try my best not to get distracted this time. I know I can do this. I procrastinate every time anyway. LOL!
Now, it's probably pretty obvious of what I am doing now... my work of course. I'll try my best not to get distracted this time. I know I can do this. I procrastinate every time anyway. LOL!
Friday, July 24, 2009
That's It, I'm Don't Care About Anything Anymore!
Listen. I'm really not in the mood to write really long. Nothing significant about me really happened today, so I'm not really going to blabber about stuff you don't even care about. Besides the constant calling of Virus the whole day and downloading videos from YouTube of my old friends, I didn't do anything at all - not even doing my school work...
Getting back in track, I spoke with V not long ago. This particular conversation made me realise how stupid I am. I realised that I have neglected my self needs by thinking about other people too much and by not sleeping appropriately. Bloody hell. I don't know what to say anymore. Here's the thing, when something is wrong with someone, I share their problems. When something is wrong with me, I don't give a damn about it. I worry too much for other people - just like now - when V decided to put herself into this thing. GIT! I'm going to stop talking about that... because you know what? She's right. I should forget about my family, her, my other friends, and everything else. I should take this advice that she gave me this night. I feel like it's the only way I could get my mind off things. I just don't know when though. All I know is that I need it as soon as possible...
Anyway, I'm sleeping early today. I know, eh? It's bloody early, but I can't break promises. I promised V that I will be sleeping at least at 2 am today. She and Slexy might be coming over tomorrow because we have to talk - just the three muchachos. I might be watching Kambal Sa Uma before sleeping though. I don't know. It's just something to get my mind off something I guess, since the whole "I'm getting away MSN" didn't really help...
I will also have to help Jo with her speech still. Well, I finished helping her with half of it now (11:50 pm), but I think she still needs more help. LOL! Oh well, she loves the thing that I wrote for her. Wee! Too bad, I have to go now though... parents! GIT!
Getting back in track, I spoke with V not long ago. This particular conversation made me realise how stupid I am. I realised that I have neglected my self needs by thinking about other people too much and by not sleeping appropriately. Bloody hell. I don't know what to say anymore. Here's the thing, when something is wrong with someone, I share their problems. When something is wrong with me, I don't give a damn about it. I worry too much for other people - just like now - when V decided to put herself into this thing. GIT! I'm going to stop talking about that... because you know what? She's right. I should forget about my family, her, my other friends, and everything else. I should take this advice that she gave me this night. I feel like it's the only way I could get my mind off things. I just don't know when though. All I know is that I need it as soon as possible...
Anyway, I'm sleeping early today. I know, eh? It's bloody early, but I can't break promises. I promised V that I will be sleeping at least at 2 am today. She and Slexy might be coming over tomorrow because we have to talk - just the three muchachos. I might be watching Kambal Sa Uma before sleeping though. I don't know. It's just something to get my mind off something I guess, since the whole "I'm getting away MSN" didn't really help...
I will also have to help Jo with her speech still. Well, I finished helping her with half of it now (11:50 pm), but I think she still needs more help. LOL! Oh well, she loves the thing that I wrote for her. Wee! Too bad, I have to go now though... parents! GIT!
I Agree, It's Harder Than It Looks
Alright, before I start, I'm just going to say that I am dead bored. I have been doing nothing since the time I've woken up. I would say I am lucky that Virus didn't get to call me. It's not because I don't want her to come over or something - in fact it's the opposite. I love having her over since I actually miss her anyway; I think I got used to talking to her everyday. The thing is, I have a feeling that I am still grounded. I would not be allowed for friends to come over here. Plus, the fact that I haven't even finished anything properly is a big no no for my part. GIT!
Anyway, here is just some random game that I stole from my dear old friend's blog. It's just something to get me off my boredom of being alone and trapped in my bloody cold room...
Anyway, here is just some random game that I stole from my dear old friend's blog. It's just something to get me off my boredom of being alone and trapped in my bloody cold room...
Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag twenty people.USE THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR NAME to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real...nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.
1. What is your name :
Chanelle
2. A four Letter Word :
Cool
3. A boy's Name :
Christopher (Slexy's brother's name... LOL!)
4. A girl's Name :
Charlotte (I so love this name)
5. An occupation :
Cartoonist (Something I know Tazzie would do)
6. A color :
Cyan
7. Something you'll wear :
Capris
9. A food :
Chicken!
10. Something found in the bathroom:
Conditioner
11. A place :
Canley Heights (Please stalk T for me... jokes!)
12. A reason for being late :
Can't be bothered doing anything... as always!
13. Something you'd shout :
Can you please piss off, dinggit?!
14. A movie title :
Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle
15. Something you drink :
Coca Cola
16. A brand :
Chanel... something where I've got my name from... LOL!
17. An animal :
Cat
18. A street name :
Charles Street... I've never been there, but I did check the net... LOL!
19. A type of car :
Convertible
20. The title of a song :
Collide - Howie Day
Alright, I need to stop now. V just texted me and she wants me to go MSN. My brain just got fried from answer this even though I actually cheated. LOL! Oh well...
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