Resurrection: Welcome Cold Heart of Stone

Well, I apologise for whatever I had said yesterday. I seriously have no clue to why I did that... Well fine, I won't lie. I did know why I did that, and it was for the best, although I'm honestly not sure how this new wave of inexplicable anger and hate came from. I don't know what started it at all. I'm just this weird person with weird feelings who has anger management problems. Oh wait - I think I know what's wrong with me. Just now. Seriously.

I'm a teenager, right? Well, I heard that emotions play an important role in most of the things for teenagers. I'm actually really stupid because I was always the one trying to tell other people about this whole emotions crap while I'm the one who needs to understand. I know it's early to start being mature with that emotional thing, but the sooner the better. Less pain, less stress. You know what? The thing is, I let little stupid factors influence how I feel. It's stupid because most of the times, I just overreact with little things that involve how I feel. This is where the selfishness crap goes in. I focus on my personal needs too much. I expect too much with other people. Bloody hell, I should think about the others for once. You may think I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not trying to. I'm dead serious. People may think that I'm a very generous person, and they're wrong about that. Dead wrong. Those people don't know anything about me then, or maybe, they just can't read between the line. I'm an evil person. Vile. Cruel. The worst thing you'll ever have in your life.

Oh well, you know what? I'm over it. I don't give a bloody heck about those stuff anymore. I won't let little factors influence the way I feel. I'm going to be a human machine filled with hate and anger in my little heart of stone. Well, I don't think I'll be that bad. I don't think that there is much to live on anymore. No inspirations, no motivations. I've lost too much anyway. Bloody hell! I need to stop this pessimism thing. Didn't I already plan this? GIT! Start all over again then - duh. I'm done with this. I need patience too. It's just I hate waiting.

By the way, to end this nonsensical thing, I have to ask my parents about that Stage Door Holiday Program that Tazzie told me yesterday. I hope my parents would allow me. I am dying to get out of the house...

That's it for now. I'm still very sleepy. I slept about 7 am today without even knowing I did because I think I just fainted to sleep. Why? Besides the thoughts that clouded my head, it was mainly because of period pains. LOL! Well, I think I was just too tired and stressed about stuff. But guess what? That'll never happen again. Well hopefully. I'm cool with everything. I just need hibernation. Just joking. I'm just basically needing some rest. T had been calling me since 9 am, but I didn't get to answer it because I was that tired - but then - he called again two hours later. After that, I didn't get to sleep at all... so now, I'm going to need that.

That reminds me. Before I forget, Virus actually got her new phone, and I'm so happy for her. I'm sure she's very ecstatic at the moment. She actually got to read my previous blog entry, and I feel sorry for her to get to do so. It's all nonsense. I feel like she's sharing my grief or something. I should stop making her life miserable too. Everyone's life would be best actually.

Before I go back to sleep, I'll just have some food. I'm still on about that hunger attacks. It's never-ending. I'm done for now. I think there will be some parties today though. A lot of people have birthdays, so I'm shouting out to all of them. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" I don't think I'm coming though. I would prefer to stay home, and hopefully, get to talk to some people. I need some company before I'm going to be crazy... GAH!